Ragini Kapil Ep.10

Ragini: [00:00:00] Our guest today is a Vancouver based writer, director, performer, and longtime educator whose work is rooted in story resilience and reinvention. I. Inspired by a lineage of strong Indo Fijian women, especially her trailblazing mother, a pioneer in special education. Ragini brings a sharp outsider's lens to everything she creates, infusing her work with humor, empathy, and bold honesty.

Krista: After a fulfilling career as a teacher and school leader, she took a leap into the creative world, only to be sidelined by a serious back fracture and concussion. The long, often solitary road to recovery became its own transformation, emerging with renewed purpose. She wrote and directed the award-winning short film, all kinds of weather, developed the feature good marriage material, and embraced standup [00:01:00] comedy performing at Vancouver's Fringe Festival, yuck, yucks, and More. She's voiced a reoccurring character on PBS kids SkillsVille narrated for Audible created the documentary The Comedy Doula, and contributed to the devised theater production Heirlooms and Baggage. Ragini continues to blend storytelling with service.

Recently teaching English to newcomers to Canada, and cherishes her newest role as Grandma to Three fierce little Girls, and she's still saying yes. Hello, Ragini Kapil. Welcome to Half Betty.

Ragini: Was that me? Oh my gosh.

Andrea: Wow. That was amazing.

Ragini: On a day to day, I sure don't feel like that person that you just described is me. But that was incredible. Thank you. Appreciate it.

Krista: It's kind of wild to Hear it back like that, isn't it?

Ragini: [00:02:00] Yes, because honestly, I, I always feel like, oh, I can't do that. Like, listen to that person, they've done so much. But when you list it down, um, that sounds pretty cool.

Krista: Or list it up.

Ragini: List it up.

Andrea: List it up.

Ragini: list it up. List it up. I like that.

Krista: Oh my gosh, we're so, so glad you are here. It's taken a hot minute to get you in the seat, but um, we are just so grateful that you're here and we can't wait for our listeners to learn more about you.

Andrea: Krista, that was beautiful. What an introduction. certainly Ragini didn't make it difficult to be able to introduce her with everything that you have done, Ragini, and everything that you've accomplished.

Krista: and all that there is in the future.

Andrea: everything you have left to do.

List it up! This is such a big, this is part of it. Words are everything. I really loved that reframe because it is about [00:03:00] moving forward as opposed to backwards or moving up instead of down.

that's such an interesting way to start this off. Ragini, one of the things that we love to do with our guests when we first introduce them and we hear a little bit about their amazing journeys so far, is that we really love to start with a grounding of words.

tell us any number of words that you believe truly describe who Ragini is

Ragini: So I've been listening to your podcast, so I knew this was coming

My first word is resilient. That never changes. It's resilient. but the second word was an I. What is it?

What is it? it's irreverent. Irreverent.

Krista: it is.

Ragini: And then the third word It's compassionate. The fourth word, Authentic. It's authentic. And the last [00:04:00] word, which I think has impacted my life and others around me is visionary. And that's a tough word to use for yourself because it's very powerful and sometimes it imbues a bigger picture of yourself than you want to share. But I'm owning it.

Andrea: Beautiful,

Krista: Yes you are. Oh, those are all really, really good.

Andrea: how moving it is to hear people's expressions of their story, the words that they find. Truly express who they are.

And I appreciated so much. And I, I saw Krista nodding too. I really love, body language, that also expresses how we're feeling when we're listening to somebody. But you can really see when something is moving. 'cause people lean in and they nod and they smile. so when you started with Resilient and then you said, this one is never changing.[00:05:00]

Krista: Yes,

Andrea: I'm giving myself goose. See like we can't see it, but I'm giving myself goosebumps because you said with conviction that resilient is not one that is going to change. It doesn't waver. This is a foundational, um, expression, A truth. I love that, Krista, that's so lovely.

So with those in mind, and with, us moving into your story, we would really appreciate if you would

take us to a time that you believe was a catalyst of change, of transformation, of a new path forward, of a new way of seeing things, of anything that has been experienced in the last number of years in this midlife part of your, life journey.

Ragini: Ideally I would start at when I [00:06:00] was 52, I think. but I actually need to rewind that tape because, growing up in Vancouver, being. very much, as I say, the brown egg in a box of whites, we were, very early immigrants. I think we might've been amongst the first Fijian Indian families to move to Canada, or even to BC I know we were the first in Nelson.

I'm not gonna rewind that far, but just to grow up with nobody that's like you, nobody that feels like you. I think it's a common feeling with a lot of people, but I very definitely felt like a chameleon and, being dropped into a family that really wasn't mine. And, always wishing for something else.

And it was so strange when at the age of 21, I remember deciding that I would be positive, not negative, that I would look forward, not back. That I would, seize my future and make it happen. It was the first time I took [00:07:00] advantage of my culture and asked my parents who couldn't have been more shocked to arrange my marriage.

'cause my deep heart's aim was to be a wife and a mother. And it happened. And I married my husband, six weeks after we met in 1984. We're still together. And, our life is, Enhanced because of that decision that I made as a Canadian growing up here. And I can't emphasize to you enough what a departure that was for me as a person growing up.

So that was the first

Krista: hold on. That happened when you were 21.

Ragini: that's a big story. but basically, yeah. And then I'm the youngest of three. I got my brother and my sister to get on board, and we all had, very similar kinds of, arrangements and unfortunately in this, we'll figure into my story a little bit later, my brother's wife passed away.

She dealt with cancer for a very long time, but she was somebody that seized life and lived it, from jumping outta planes and [00:08:00] climbing Mount Kilimanjaro. she was an amazing person and just this wonderful influence on my life.

And now fast forward to the real story. Um, I was

Andrea: That is a real story. That is a beautiful real story

Krista: did you wanna share her name?

Ragini: Her name was Vina.

Krista: Hmm.

Ragini: And we just passed the 10th anniversary of her death. And it was very, a big moment for us. 'cause she was such a big, influence on our family and we miss her.

Krista: Yeah. Yeah. That's okay. It's okay. You can take a second. It's all right. Yeah.

Andrea: And I think it's such a beautiful, way to enhance and add context for everybody, all our listeners.a story doesn't happen by itself. A story doesn't live alone, A story is made up of all the moments, all the exchanges, and so Vina is [00:09:00] part of the story just as much as anybody else, which is why it's so lovely to hear about her,

Krista: Yeah.

Ragini: And so let's go to around the time that I was in my early fifties and working as a school principal and it's a very draining job and I'd had a few things happen that were so strange.

What would you do if you were in a situation like somebody's got a gun on you? So I had that situation where somebody was across from the school on their balcony, and he was waving this gun and it turned out to be, an air gun. But I didn't know that my job was to get people to be safe. And I was brand new at the school and I didn't even know the school's address.

And I was calling 9 1 1. There's a guy with the gun and he's waving it and pointing it at me, and I turned around and kept people safe for a three hour lockdown and afterwards meeting with, the police and the district, it was a crazy experience. But what I know is if I'm faced [00:10:00] with a situation like that, I will stay calm and keep people safe, and then I'll fall apart later.

And I, I still remember how traumatized everybody was, and how I just went, okay, everybody, this is what we're going to do now. Right over the pa to keep everybody calm. So that really stuck with me and it was kind of a tough school to be at.

And, in one week my dad was in a coma. My father-in-law unexpectedly passed away. And, um, there we started this year of being in a new school with the situation happening. And, uh, I was sinking. It was not thriving. And every Thursday I would go to improv. And in improv I was more me than I had ever been in my life.

I have lifelong friends from 2015 who, who joined [00:11:00] that improv with me. But back in 2010, this was a lifesaving activity for me and it allowed me to explore a person that I had kept very deeply hidden. And that is my creative persona. And really the core of my being is to be free and to be creative and to laugh and just say whatever comes outta my mouth.

And it never happened before. and the funniest thing happened, I went to fan Expo. I was going to support our improv teacher. And there, somebody convinced me. To quit my job and become a screenwriter. And this is the most bizarre thing. So by that time, my, my sister-in-law was really near the end of her life and I had a chance to tell her, Hey, I am going [00:12:00] to leave my job and become a screenwriter.

And it was like, it was this,

Andrea: my gosh.

Ragini: surreal moment

Krista: you on?

Ragini: just cheering me on. And then, I knew the story I was gonna write. It was about a little girl in my school who had such resilience. Her name is Muskaan, that means smile and in Hindi. And she was born with, um, cardiomyopathy. And, by all accounts, she shouldn't be here, but she was the youngest person in the world to come to school with a battery operated heart.

It's called a ventricular assist device. And it was my job to keep her alive and to make sure that nobody cut the wire to her backpack.

But I'd also bring her parents into my office and write her story. Okay, I'm gonna write this story. And then that's how I ended up taking this 12 month intensive screenwriting program. And in the meanwhile, unfortunately, in saying yes, I will take this [00:13:00] field trip out to see these kids, at camp.

And on the way back, the boat went over a big swell and I fell and fractured my back, Life changing fracture. So that whole year I was at screenwriting school.

And I started advocating for my own needs at that time, like by standing up when I needed to, or moving or doing whatever to, accommodate myself, which is something I had never done.

Krista: so take me back. So 21, you were like, I'm gonna be positive. Hey, parents set me up with a good husband. That's what I want. Then I'm assuming you went to school, university, you became teacher first and then a principal.

Ragini: Yes. I never planned on being a principal. I wanted to get my master's 'cause I wanted to have my dad, be proud of me. And I hadn't graduated from high school. I didn't pass my first few years of university 'cause he made me take economics and statistics and [00:14:00] accounting.

Um, and so my education was very, sporadic and, atypical. And then, in my thirties with my two kids and teaching, I decided I would do my master's because I really wanted to write papers.

and then I the, master's program at UBC. I was 36 years old and I think it's the first time I heard my dad say, I'm so proud of you.

Andrea: Hmm.

Ragini: And at 36. I was invited to teach students at UBC. So I taught in the teacher ed program for a couple of years at UBC. And that's how I came back to teaching,

then I got pushed into being an administrator. And, when I say visionary, I do apply it to, me being a principal because I was able to infuse this idea of creating successful citizens for the 21st century and how every child was responsible for that. Why are you coming to school? I want to be a successful citizen in the 21st century, [00:15:00] right?

Not a career. We don't know what they're gonna work at. We don't know what their aim is, but let's be a productive citizen. And so we worked on greeting people, making eye contact. I, have three afternoon program where I, instilled this sense of leadership and a sense of belonging.

We drill down words with grade sixes and find out what are their words, what are they gonna live by? Then what are the actions that they're gonna do that show that? And then what are the responsibilities they'll take on in their school, within their group as leaders to, exemplify their goals.

And boy oh boy, does that ever change school culture and teachers get on board if you validate them. what's your role? What are you doing here? We are creating successful citizens. Productive citizens for the 21st century. Well, that's visionary.

Krista: It certainly is. I would've loved to have been in that school, whether it was a student or a teacher or [00:16:00] janitor. how long were you in that position for and also where does this leadership come from?

Ragini: So I was asked to leave brownies three times because I would redirect everybody to play tag or do whatever I wanted. And I was a very good leader at the time. And then when I went to boarding school in England when I was 17, you become an adult at 18 in, in England. And the head mistress, saw a leader in me.

And so she's the one who really channeled that leadership into a positive, kind of effect. I opened this, the cooking room and taught people to bake and the sewing room and taught people to sew and, just got to be a leader.

Krista: how long were you a principal for?

Ragini: So technically I was a vice principal from 2003 to 2006 in Surrey. And then I was uh, I believe the first female South Asian elementary [00:17:00] school principal in Delta in 2006. And, I fractured my back and went on a leave in 2015. And then I came back in 2016 and then I had this concussion.

So, uh, that was sort of the end of it.

Krista: So,

Andrea: are,

Krista: okay to, yeah, to, to, to dig into that a little bit? 'cause we kind of breezed over it a couple times here. And I don't wanna miss this because Andrea was welcoming you and inviting you to speak about a transformative moment. you've had many, but this one in particular I'm really curious about.

Can you tell us a little bit more? You said you were on a field trip with your school and you were in a boat.

Ragini: It's two different things, I fractured my back in 2015 in June, and it took a long time to heal. It was hard for me because I always felt I had this plate of pain in [00:18:00] my back. So in 2016, let's skip over that. I had taken the year off for writing.

'cause that was already planned. I got through it, I managed, but when I came back in September of 2016, a year later, I had so much pain and also trauma. I kept thinking, and I couldn't get it outta my head that somebody was gonna push me over.I couldn't walk down the hall. I was always fearful of re-injuring myself.

And it, I remember a time when, the assistant superintendent came to visit and I'd had a kid who had done something violent and I hadn't filled in the, threat assessment. And she said, that's not like you. And she showed me such compassion and I ended up going on a leave. So I'm at home now and my kids are gone, my husband's working.

Nobody really sees what's happening, right? And so a couple of months later in March, I had the flu, I had a high [00:19:00] fever and I ended up fainting and I fell into a tile edge of a tub and then into the tub.

Andrea: Oh

Ragini: I don't know that because I was unconscious,the ambulance came, I

I ended up at the hospital. I was very dehydrated, so they put, two IVs of saline solution and gave me this handout and sent me on my way. I had no idea what was happening. I was ill, I was confused and all I know is life changed completely. So, because it wasn't really dealt with, I got locked into what they call post-concussion symptoms.

It's not a syndrome anymore, it's symptoms. And over the next few months I tried to find what is wrong with me. I can't go out. it gave me such a. Amazing understanding of kids and people with sensory issues.

I couldn't hear conversations, I couldn't go, what is that waiter saying to me? I would just panic. I couldn't recognize people. That's [00:20:00] one I still have is people are blank to me until they talk to me or their face will refocus and I'm like, oh, it's you, but now I'll tell people, Hey, if I don't say hi, it's 'cause I have no facial recognition and move on.

Big deal. Right? At that time it was, I just actually wanted to be not here. had serious depression and nobody knew what to do with me. And my neighbor fell on her head and we're talking on the street one day and she said she was going to this place called back in motion because I was still on, on a leave.

They said, okay, you can go for a month. So four and a half months later, I got my life back. I went three times a week. As much as I could handle.and I remember, I would refuse to do the gratitudes. I have. Nothing. Now, this is my, me being really positive. I have nothing to be grateful for.

I am a broken person and I don't wanna be here. And the [00:21:00] OT said to me, okay, great. If you're not gonna do them, this whole thing is gonna end. your insurance will not keep paying for you to come here unless you do this. But I started doing the gratitudes, very grudgingly. And it changed my life,

You have to find gratitude. I woke up and it actually changed what I think,some people say the cup is half empty. Some people say the cup is half full. I'm like, look, I have a cup.

Krista: I have

Ragini: And it, everything changed. So instead of taking the road less traveled or the fork in the road, I look at my feet and this is where I am today. And it's a good place because it might be the same as yesterday. It might not be as far as I wanna go tomorrow, but it's right here. I have feet, I'm here.

Look at my feet. Right? And I why that [00:22:00] worked for me. it really did, like, just look at my feet, there I am. And so, um, I just kept working forward from that. And, uh, I have a friend, uh, an amazing lady who just saw me not seeing me, not seeing me out. She said, I'm gonna take you to comedy classes.

I'm like, I can't, are you kidding me? I can't be in public. Anyway, she convinced me that this would be a safe place to go. And, um, it was funny because Jan Banister, whom I later made a film about, because I think her work is so life changing.

so when I went to this class, I said to Kat, you have to go with me. It's Jan Banister. Jan Bannister's doing this class. and I'm scared. And when I went to introduce myself, she said, oh, I remember you. You're the one with the head injury.[00:23:00]

Krista: Oh my gosh.

Ragini: And that thing was so nerve wracking.

I would quit every week. I'd say, I'm not going back. I'm not going back. And somehow I would go back. And it was funny because I had talked about it with my, representatives from the insurance company here, and they're like, no, we know how hard you work. That's the resiliency. I never gave up. Right? They knew I was trying so hard to get my life back to, to be myself a new self, whoever this was.

And, unfortunately, after that class, when their head office found out, that's what I was doing, they just cut my insurance. And, uh, long story short, again, I retired and ever since then have been making this forward process, the progress on my own. and COVID happened, so everybody's on their own now, and I was feeling lost.

And what do I do? I'm not working. [00:24:00] I, don't feel like I am contributing here. Right? And I had this, again, transformational conversation with a lady named Casey Clarkson who runs the screen acting school here. It's an online thing. And I remember walking up and down and crying and she's like, well, what do you want to do? I. I wanna write, I wanna direct, I wanna move. I was not living where I wanted to live. I want to create, I wanna share, I wanna be a speaker, I wanna help other people to change. I wanna find the joy. And I did,

Krista: make it sound so simple and so easy and so positive.

Ragini: The happiest, most joyful people I know are often the people that have been through hell, right, uh, in their own lives, whether it's relationship or family history, so many people were abused when they were [00:25:00] kids and they've just shown this resiliency and strength

Aging is not fun physically, but if you just approach your life every day with, look at my feet. Look at, look at here. I'm,

Andrea: feet.

Krista: I have a cup.

Ragini: I have a cup.

Andrea: I have a, I wrote that down. I wrote that down. I have a cup.

Ragini: I have a cup. And you know, there's this thing about inclusion, right? I don't know if you've seen this, it's kids against a Fence and it was like, they have two boxes. And so if the one kid. At the end of the day, if they can all, um, stand on a different box, they can all see over the fence. It's an old thing they use when, you know, workshops and things and it keeps morphing.

They keep changing it. The last version I saw, they took away the fence,

Andrea: Wow. That's a big movement. That's a big,

Ragini: [00:26:00] right now. We all see we don't need a box. We don't need to be included. We're automatically seeing the game. We're automatically included. And I think, you know, we talk about inclusion. I wanna just touch on this for a moment. When I grew up, I thought I was Canadian. It's the only country I've bonded with.

It's the only country I've lived in. In grade four, the teacher pulled down a map. We were gonna study India and she said, where's your family from? I said, Nelson, bc.

Krista: Yeah.

Ragini: wasn't being facetious. Right. My mom was Fijian Indian, born in Fiji, but Indian. My dad was Indian. My older brother and sister were born in Fiji.

I was born on a trip to India. I came here when I was one.

At the time we were called East Indian because of Columbus. And then later we were called Indo-Canadian and then Bipoc. So [00:27:00] Bipoc is a really interesting term because it's black, indigenous people of color, but you're not blank. Right. You're, you're kind of pinkish.

You, you have a, you know,

Krista: pretty broad term, is that what you mean?

Ragini: it's a broad,

but it's just a really funny term. a way of othering all the time.

But I've never been okay with being othered. I want to be included. I want that fence to be taken away. And yet, I myself just said, I was the first South Asian female principal elementary school in Delta to show how slowly, uh, progress is made.

Krista: I'm curious as to how you're bringing all of that into your life now. 'cause it feels like you are spending a lot of time [00:28:00] making sure that you are sharing your stories and you're sharing your experiences and your,writing. And I'm really curiouswhat that shift was and how much more you're opening yourself up to now and sharing with others.

Ragini: I've had some big realizations in the last few years. when I did my screenwriting class, there was a guy in there, a couple of them, and on the very first day we were introducing ourselves to the teachers. And I would say, oh, my name is Ragini, And I hated my name

And I'm like, well, everybody calls me Ragini, but like my family and people who know me call me Ragini. Now I don't say Ragini like my mom, right? But Ragini, Ragini comes from a ragga. It's a Ragini, it's a type of melody. It's not a rag, right? Ragini so different. So since that time. I've made it my name and it is my name, and I love it.

And I will stop, I will have my mouth [00:29:00] frozen like anything at the dentist, and they'll mispronounce my name and I'll,

because I'm not gonna be a rag. Right.

Krista: No.

Ragini: uh, I think, uh, one of my oldest friends had said to me, when, when did you all of a sudden become Indian? And I, realized that I had worked so hard on hiding myself, hiding my food, my culture, I don't know. The part of the problem is as early immigrants, we came in 1962, we didn't know.

My parents were educated in India, Fiji, and New Zealand. They didn't have any like, common kind of, uh, um, festivals and things. It wasn't a community here to join. They built the community. And so, um, we went to Sunday school. I knew the Bible. I knew like I, you know, fairytales and all of that, but I didn't know my, my own like, cultural [00:30:00] stories.

And so it, it's not that I was hiding, being Indian, it's that I, I didn't really feel comfortable in any culture. I didn't learn to speak Hindi till I met my husband who, whose family speaks Punjabi. But I spent a lot of time in India learning the culture, getting to know his family.

And I had a different kind of viewpoint than I think most people did. I felt like I married a family. I didn't feel like it's just my husband and me,

Andrea: would you imagine that through, your entire life, but when we're thinking about perhaps the last 15 or 20 years, it feels as though, as a listener to your story, there's this cadence of, a moment where you saw something getting in your way something that happened, an experience or a physical, impediment or [00:31:00] something with your health or an experience of loss or whatever it might be.

But I've recognized that through these experiences, you seem to do this beautiful. Um, Ragini practice whereby you take the experience and you don't dismiss it. So you're, you don't just try and push it away and make it not so, a concussion is a concussion and it's so difficult and there are so many things that people don't realize that happen with a concussion.

A back injury is chronic, potentially life changing forevermore that will affect you in some ways moving forward. The loss of a family member, whatever it is, but it, it feels as though there's this beautiful approach where you have these experiences and you [00:32:00] don't sit in your own pity of why me?

Or why did this happen? But you acknowledge it and you allow yourself to be sad or to be a little bit lost and then something starts to happen and going back to your five words, all of them start to find their way into what you then do. So you, resilience of course, is consistent, as you said, that never moves your irreverence.

So irreverence showing up in this kind of baby rebel where you don't take what is probably. What everybody, oh, look, see irreverence. Do you see that for our listeners? Well, you're going

Krista: How do.

Andrea: but, but, but for, for our listeners, there was just a giant explosion of confetti. 'cause they loved what's what Ragini is saying [00:33:00] and they loved irreverence.

Um, but your reverence comes in because you say, I'm gonna do things differently. I'm not gonna do what everybody else says that I need to do. And then your compassion is just all the way through because all you do is look at not only compassion for yourself, which is important, it's so important to be compassionate for ourselves.

But the compassion and all those around you, those students who have challenges, those kids that need somebody to lead them differently. this young girl that you wrote the story about who had the first battery operated heart keeping her alive, your family, your children, your extended family, and then your authenticity just shines through everything.

'cause once again, you acknowledge who you are. The brown egg in the box of white eggs. You acknowledge your uniqueness in just being you. [00:34:00] Not that you are. Indo Fijian, not that you are born of parents that came from, so we are all born of parents that came from somewhere. So you live in this beautiful, authentic spot and then you vision what it looks like moving forward.

your vision to me is so incredibly inspiring as we sit here as women in our midwives.

Navigating major change, and with that, what allows us all to be able to gather in a community is being able to sit in that place of creating the vision of what is to come, and knowing that others are doing the same and that we can relate to one another.

So I saw your words, which I did write down. Krista, I hope you didn't hear me [00:35:00] writing. I muted myself. but I did write down those words and they just yelled out to me as you were sharing all these various stories that have really shaped where you are today with your feet on the ground.

Just today, in this moment, on your hundredth day of live Well

Krista: Holding your cup.

Andrea: Holding your Cup,

Ragini: So I wanted to add, I thinkthat's an incredible encapsulation of everything That I stand for that, I strive for that I believe. it took me a long time and I have had a lot of, counseling or therapy.

But, it takes a lot to let go of that you don't even realize how much trauma sits in your body. And there is a physical manifestation of that, which is probably, explained by some of the issues that I've had over the years. [00:36:00] But right now I'm at a place where, in any room that I go to. I go in as myself. This is me, right? I might not be your cup of tea. I have been told my laugh is way too loud. and I've heard this so many times. I knew she was there. I heard her laugh, right? And I love that.

it's a beautiful feeling to laugh. And so, uh, I don't restrain my laugh, I now allow that boisterous aspect of me to come out. And if I can't find a word or if I don't recognize somebody, I don't panic. I say, sorry, this is something I have a challenge with. Or I'm looking for that word I can't find it, or whatever. And then I feel that tension leaving my body, right?

Krista: At what point did that change for you? was it a gradual shift or was it an age you turned? Was it a moment that you experienced?

Ragini: Yeah, it's only happened [00:37:00] in the last few years, I would say, post COVID even, where I started envisioning these things happening and,getting to read an audio book, getting to book a series, where I am an animated character that is on that series. What a dream come true. So when you actually see yourself accomplishing things, I mean, even when I reached out to you, like part of me says, what do I have to offer?

they've got these stellar people on their podcast. what on earth can I say that would equal somebody else, But I, I do think that, having that self-talk, it doesn't matter what it is, whether you're, talking to a family member with a little bit more confidence, and I always tried to please people so that you will like me, right?

and that you won't judge me. like, oh, I want you to like me. and so I let myself be a little bit too much of a willow and my tree was pretty well bowed [00:38:00] down, and then I realized it would be better if I continued to try to please people, but that I just did what pleased me. And that sort of let the cat out of the bag because I'm like, yeah, I'm gonna be a writer.

Yes, I'm going to do standup. And I,

Krista: am a writer.

Ragini: I am. Yeah,

Krista: I am these things. Yeah.

Ragini: am. And I am, and I, can't, let us stop talking until I talk about my mom, because, my mom, her dad was a visionary who did huge work in Fiji and he ended up, dying in a plane crash when she was 21.

She was at school inNew Zealand becoming a nurse. when they were informed of the news that her dad had died in a plane crash and Air New Zealand and the governments of New Zealand, and Fiji flew her and her sister back to Fiji.

Her dream was to be a nurse, and she ended up [00:39:00] becoming a teacher and a special ed teacher. And I think about it because I've written her story and it was, represented in our device theater play, Heirlooms and Baggage.

But my mom at 21 lost her dad, married my dad when she was 22, had three children, came to Canada as the first Fijians, family in, in BC in Nelson in 62 when she had three small kids, right? One, three, and five, and started this new life. And, she was an innovative special ed teacher who believed in a hundred percent success.

So when she saw me sinking at high school, she thought, you know what?

I had a great time in boarding school. Maybe she will too. And sent me,

And throughout my life, and even to this day, she remains as an inspiration. She does her yoga. she's always working on her health.

My, my husband calls her our [00:40:00] gardener because she will come and take care of the garden.

And she's just so supportive of what I'm doing now, and it means the world to me. So I really wanted to just put her in there if possible, and, um, just give her the honor that she deserves for being like, not only inspirational to me, but the so many children she's worked with.

Andrea: Thank you for sharing about your mom. It will hit home for everybody. whether we have our moms with us, whether we have our moms, maybe not, who we hoped they would be, but mother figures.

Um, there's a resonance in generations and, when we were starting Half Betty and when I was writing what Half Betty could be, it was about the [00:41:00] inspiration of Betty White, who was a hundred years old when I turned 50.

So she was a woman of a different generation. when I. wrote the pitch, I also included being a Mum myself and having two daughters who are such an enormous inspiration in my life, and also thinking about my own mom.

And then as Krista joined, very quickly thereafter and became the half of the half of Half Betty, um, in all of her ways, then Krista brought the the layers of being a mom, of having a mom, and of understanding how important collectively generational inspiration is.

And we knew as we started building Betty, that a big part of what Half Betty [00:42:00] wants and needs and will become is a community of generations of women. So it will be our moms in their seventies, eighties, nineties and beyond.

And it will be our, generation of women in their midlives, forties, fifties, sixties. And it will be young women. Girls, teenagers, moving into those early adult years. My girls 19 and 22, right in the midst of that, younger generation needing and wanting the wisdom of our generation and likewise us wanting the wisdom and the stories and all of those words that describe our moms and their generation.

So that was a beautiful way to highlight how important all the generations of women are [00:43:00] and how we are building a community. We're starting with our midlife generation, but wildly rippling that out to include all women and how important we all are together. So thank you for sharing about your mom, and I would love to ask her name 'cause it's always important for me to know people's names.

Ragini: My mom's name is Gian

Andrea: Gian, a beautiful name.

Ragini: Yes. And I wanted to say too, that this, time in our world is really difficult for women in many nations to be seen, to be heard, to be valued, to be validated for the contributions that we make to the world, to ourselves, to each other. I, I see my kids and they're both parents and how they navigate through that and just how strong and resilient.

my daughter-in-law and my son, they had something called T-F-M-R-A, a termination for medical reasons. And they. have turned [00:44:00] that into, nearly being activists to allow people to mourn the loss of unborn children. and my daughter-in-law, oh, when we think about it, it's just so amazing the strength that she's had to show.

And when they've shared their story, we find out that there are so many other people who have suffered in silence and also men who are just expected to suck it up and carry on. Right. and I think that the roles that we have expected of women and men over the years has been changed and massaged and nobody really knows, like, what am I supposed to do?

what's my role here? And, older people might say, well, you're the woman, you need to do this. And we're like, no. we're human beings and we multitask and we're capable of, running the world.

We can all do something and we hope that it's something that contributes to our lives and to people around us. And I think that's where I'm at [00:45:00] now with this strength This is what's right for me. This is what I'm gonna do. And because I know my motivation and I do know most of my five words, I know it's coming from a good place, and I am, I'm never setting out to, hurt somebody or put somebody down.

Everybody has something to work on. and being funny is sometimes really a good way to release tension.

Andrea: Mm-hmm.

Krista: And now you're doing that in your writing, your plays, your films. Can you tell us just a little bit more about that and, where you're going now

Ragini: Yeah. have a dream that my mom will see a feature film of mine on screen and I really want to [00:46:00] persevere to have my stories get traction and to be shown. And, 10 years ago, before Wakanda, before The Farewell, before Crazy Rich Asians, my stories were very fresh and new.

and it's just amazing. But I want to not only, get some of my movies on screen and find out how to, do that?

Krista: you're writing and you're submitting and you're sharing your stories and I guess your approach is to write from what you know and what you've experienced and the hope is to share those stories so that others will relate to them

Andrea: And the connection to your mom? Yeah.

Ragini: Yes.

The dreams, don't stop with what I have.

The dreams. Stop with, what you think you are capable of, like being on a podcast or, going into schools and changing culture, doing workshops. I was in a school recently and I helped this teacher change her approach to kids so that [00:47:00] her classroom would be, an inclusive and galvanized place and not like, worksheet, centered.

and that gave me a lot of joy. So, um, feel like I've accomplished what I like even more than I had ever imagined I could. that's really heartening for me that I got to read an audio book, that I'm on this series, that I've been part of a play, but there's so much more,

Krista: There's so much more. Oh, I feel it. I, I feel it. And every time I speak with you, there's always another story. There's always, connection or, a moment. But what I love about you the most is your positivityand the love and the passion that you have behind you that drives you forward all the time.

asking for what you want. my mom and I have been talking a lot about how important it is to stand up for yourself and to ask for what you want. and I think for so many years, she spent her entire life doing for others, doing for [00:48:00] others, always, what can I do that will help someone else move forward or that will help, care for somebody else?

don't worry about me. And now she's changed her mindset. And much like you, there's been moments in her life that have turned the page or, turned around the corner and seen something for herself that's impacted her so, so deeply that has made her understand that it's okay to ask for things.

That you need, that you want, why not? Why wouldn't we do that? I feel like there's a new generation that's building with my generation, but also with hers because now we can share and have these conversations and go for it. Like we shouldn't have to put a cap just because, we talk about this a lot with Half Betty.

It's like, oh, you turned 50 and, oh, well that's it, you're done. And it's not the case. It's not what we experience, it's not what we're seeing. It's the women that we're talking to, in fact are completely opposite. take you, for example, I'm looking at [00:49:00] my mom, I tell her all the time, ask for what you want.

Okay? I'm gonna ask for what you want. Okay, Krista, and she takes a big breath and she's like, I would like, she just asks for something. And I'm like, oh, that's so easy. I can do that for you or with you, right?

Ragini: It's absolutely the way that we should live. And I think, you know, having that, oh, that freedom after you're 50. I have asked so many people lately, and I mean it, what's your dream? There are two of my classmates from high school that have become artists and you never knew that they had this talent within them, and all of a sudden they're painting and it's like, what?

Right. And, My grandchildren, Louise is six and Ada's gonna be two tomorrow, and Niya's gonna turn one, next week. And Niya is my daughter's daughter. And, uh, Louise and Ada are my son and [00:50:00] his wife, George's children. And, they are being brought up to be such strong people.

my husband takes Louise out every week for dinner. It's just amazing the conversations they have. And, she was talking about skating or something, And then he says, oh, do you know who else skates? And she said, Umma, that's me. I'm Umma. and he said, yeah, how did you know?

She said, 'cause Emma's good at everything. And you know what? I don't feel that I am, but I love that she thinks so

Krista: so beautiful?

Ragini: yeah, it was like, oh my God, I, I don't, I'm not sure it was actually a compliment, but it was just like, yeah Umma's good at everything. And then that means she can be too. There's no door closed to her.

I do feel that this idea that people have, call it what you will manifesting, believing in yourself, going for it. when you actually set out to do something and you believe it can happen, [00:51:00] you can make it happen.

Andrea: you have always been passionate about creating your stories. And you have had other chapters that had you not directly doing the thing, but you found a way to weave it in. And it reminded me of what we've found in many of the conversations that we've been in with women and with people.

And that is what we do as children and what we find that we love, that we're drawn to. If we have time in moments where we're not in school or we're not distracted, the thing that we go and do is what is our red thread through our lives. And we will find a way often though we lose sight of it sometimes, to weave that thing back into whatever it is that we're doing.

And so when you are [00:52:00] describing, this desire to really help inspire people to follow their dream, really what their dream is, is whatever it is that they loved when they were that child, whatever it is that they found themselves doing, and. I'm remembering a very short little film that I was shared,

And it resonated for so many years it was a band room in a school with an entire group of young students on their instruments. And they were in session and there was a boy on the drums and there was another little boy playing a trumpet. And then there were all the other children on all their instruments.

And they all finished playing, they put down their instruments and they all got up and left outta the classroom, except for the boy on the trumpet who put down his trumpet. And he walked over and he sat behind the drum set and nobody's in the classroom now.

And he started drumming and he wasn't that great, it didn't have all the rhythm that the boy that had been playing them [00:53:00] had, but he was in his place. He was vibrant. The moral of the story is he was really good on that trumpet, and that's why he was playing. It was because he was really good at it.

But did he love it? He didn't. He loved the drums. And it wasn't until he walked over to the drum kit and sat down after the band had left that he found that's exactly where he wanted to be. And so for me, I've always carried that story of when I find myself doing the things that I'm good at and that I can do, and perhaps it's even because

This is financially something that you can actually do and it can do well for you. But if I do that thing and it's because I'm good at it and I don't love it, it will take me down a path of losing myself. [00:54:00] And it's when I come back to what do I love? And I might not be the best at it yet, but what do I love?

And where do I show up fully myself as that child who loved to do all the things that I did? That's when I feel complete, and clear and I feel authentic, and I feel irreverent, and I feel completely engaged. And so I love your full circle story of coming back to what children, us as children, the children that we're raising our grandchildren, what is it that they love and where do they show up completely themselves?

You know, Krista's boys, your granddaughters, my daughters. Where do we see them when they are happiest? And how do we help all of them continue to find that place And how do we help ourselves in [00:55:00] midlife refine what we loved as children? And not to shy away from it, And not to be told that you're not great at that.

I don't care if I'm not great yet. I love it so much.

Krista: Sometimes it's a matter of permission, I find.

Andrea: I agree, Krista.

Krista: yourself or someone else turning to you and say, wait a minute, you're really great at that, or, why don't you try it or come back again?

Andrea: Yeah. Keep going.

Krista: Yeah.

Andrea: doing it because when you're doing it, you are so happy.

Krista: Mm-hmm.

Ragini: I have a, a goosebump response to that 'cause it was the perfect story.

Andrea: So I think it is a really valid point to recognize that we all have our own unique experiences, our own stories, and therefore our own way of connecting with others. [00:56:00] And it's not going to be that you can just use an approach and have it be copy, paste and work with every single person. it goes a long way to be coming from a place of compassion and, feeling as though what we are doing is the success of others and the joy of others is part of what the reflection is of who we are.

the other part is our own joy and our own success. And I think that's the piece in Half Betty that is slightly sensitive because for many of us in our generation, it's hard to move from a place of always just being for others and finding a way to not only advocate for oneself, but to use a language that's very unfamiliar, which is to [00:57:00] speak highly of ourselves and to celebrate ourselves.

Even saying it, makes me uncomfortable. And that is where I recognize that many women in our generation and in our mother's generation, so difficult to have that self-compassion and advocacy for ourselves. we're often very good at doing everything for everybody else and being something for everybody else.

we can always improve in that space, but where the improvement really is needed is in our own space for ourselves. And that's what I hope that by hearing from you Ragini and from all the others that we're talking with, and that we're having the opportunity to hear from, that, that's the space that will start to grow for women A celebration of who we are and what we're capable of, and [00:58:00] what we can be for ourselves and therefore for others.

Krista: Whew.

Ragini: Oh my

Krista: right, well mic drop on that.

Ragini: yeah, I feel so, and yet I still want to say more. I feel like that was,such a great button, end on. so I'm gonna put a little, What do you call that? Not a summary, not a, it's like a little codicil or a, an

Andrea: Love these words. Yes. Keep going.

Ragini: when you grow up feeling othered or with low self-esteem, when people tell you, no, you can't do that, you don't have that in you. Oh, you are nothing. a lot of us grow up with this kind of trauma of being pushed down. And sometimes we don't even need somebody else to push us down.

We will listen to the world and push ourselves down. I can't do that. this is my life. I remember when I was leaving, being a [00:59:00] principal and a man was saying to me, why are you doing this? Why? And I said, because I want to accomplish something. I haven't accomplished anything yet.

And he stood back and he looked at me and he said, I can't believe you're a principal saying that to me, that you haven't accomplished anything. But I felt it. I felt that was my work. I was passionate. I wasn't somebody that came to a nine to five. I worked 16 hours a day. 'cause I wanted the schools to be something that I would be proud of.

So the commitment was there, the vision was there, the work was there. But the dream that I had was tamped so far down that I didn't even recognize it for a long time. Even though I would be like making movies and doing all of that, I didn't get to do that much as a principal. So I really started missing it. [01:00:00] But now the thing that stands in my way or anybody's way is feeling like I can't do that. That, I'm not good enough for that. They won't see me, they don't want me, they want somebody younger. Who am I to think that I can go and do that thing and then to flip that whole lens and go, well, if I never try, I'll never find out.

Andrea: Yeah.

Ragini: I have to try. I have to put myself out there. I'll take this class, I will write, I will produce, I'll put myself out there and silence the negative voice that lives somewhere in here that says, no, you can't. Because I want my granddaughter to grow up and say, well, she did it.

My grandmama did it. I can do it too.

Krista: Yes.

Ragini: and, and to keep that, one of the things I've always thought, like, oh, I never grew up. Why do I keep thinking like a 12-year-old? the irreverence in my approach to life. And I think there are some people that grow old before their time because they think they have to.

But I will play with the [01:01:00] kids. I will, I will run with them. If I can run, I will skip If I can skip, I will slide down a slide if I fit because it's fun and I wanna have that joy,

Andrea: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Ragini: Conception is in your own brain, how you present yourself, So conceive your dream, perceive it, and then live it.

Krista: That's right.

Ragini: My epilogue,

Krista: I love this

Andrea: was brilliant.

hearing about the lens in which you look at tomorrow and the next day and next year, and what you're going to accomplish and what you're going to do, and how you're continue to interact with all those around you and your family. And as we share these episodes, we know there's going to be something for everybody in the conversations that we're having.

And that's what's so inspiring is that when we talk to [01:02:00] somebody and we hear from somebody, it's not then just to an audience. It's not just to a singular audience. It's not just to a profiled audience. This is the beauty of what we're doing is that being human means that it's agnostic of any one person or even one gender story is a story.

Your life story is resonating with anybody else's life story in some way, shape, or form globally. And that's what we love so much about Half Betty. Is that it is helping to share that we are all creating stories and therefore we are all the same. So thank you for sharing [01:03:00] so many very personal, yet very resonating and relatable experiences for everybody.

So wildly inspiring and heartfelt and genuine

Ragini: I wanna thank you Andrea and Krista, for starting this podcast, and I found out about it before it actually aired, and I just had such respect for you. Krista. I didn't know you Andrea, but I sure loved our first conversation. That was amazing. So, so inspiring. And I have watched your trajectory from being like the top rated Apple podcast, like featured on the International Women's Day.

Is that right? And um, and then where you've gone in it and how many countries? Like over now? It was 58 the last time. Um, I had checked and then I was like, oh my God, I can't do this. I can't, I what? And then I just remembered, uh. How [01:04:00] fun it is to talk to you guys. And that's all I concentrated on was just moment

Andrea: Hmm,

Ragini: just being here with you and knowing how authentic you are.

and also you really bolstered me up before we started taping, and I think, again, once again, words are so important. The words we tell ourselves, the words we tell other people, and your words are not just helping me, but they are having a global effect. And it's so exciting. I'm just so proud of you and so happy to know you and so absolutely, filled with gratitude that you gave me this opportunity to share my stories and my voice.

Krista: Well, we're so grateful for your time. You really are someone very special and a dear, dear friend, and I know that everyone will want to get to know you as well. Are are there ways for our listeners to follow you and your adventures?[01:05:00]

Ragini: Yes. I have, a website which is raginikapil.ca, I am RK Vancouver on Instagram and, Facebook.

And also I'm on threads again as RK Vancouver,

And I have joined Substack,

Krista: I can't wait to hear what you're up to next. thank you so much for your time.

you can find us on half betty uh.com as our website with all of our episodes listed there, and all the glorious ways you can learn aboutour guests and about us, Andrea and I. And, we wanna hear from you. you can get in touch with us at any time through our website or our Instagram, and we're also on LinkedIn as Half Betty, and we'd be so grateful if you reached out and let us know how we're doing, what you wanna hear.

If there's a guest that you wanna hear from, we're all about that. So let's share the love in our community and reach out to each other and just keep supporting each other. Thanks everyone.

Andrea: Thanks. Bye [01:06:00] all.