Half Betty - Dre

Krista: [00:00:00] As the founder, host, and executive producer of Circle This an Anti small Talk podcast Andréa Bendewald has been leading circle discussions for more than 30 years, cracking open, meaningful, impactful, and deeply resonating conversations along with her passion for connection, relationship, human insight, and inspiration in the small moments of shared experiences.

Andrea: Laughter and tears. Andréa, known as Dre, is an actor, performer, teacher, facilitator, mama, friend and leader, and curator of life's small and moving moments.

We are thrilled to have Dre join us on this Half Betty episode to share more of her circle stories and personal experiences as she navigates her own midlife journey.Hi, everybody's so excited to have both Krista Gruen, co-host and producer of Half Betty, and also Dre Bendewald who, what a delight to be able [00:01:00] to, um, have had the happenstance or the serendipitous or whatever we wanna put around it in terms of the way that we ended up connecting.

Um, that allowed for us to now be sitting here today with you joining us because, um, and I'm giving my, that's, I don't usually do that. I don't usually give myself the goosebumps, but right now I'm giving myself the goosebumps.

Dre: The best. The best. Let's start. Let's go in the deep end of the pool. Goosebumps out of the gate. Let's fucking

Krista: Let's go. Let's go. Let's go.

Andrea: Um, I,

Krista: The story is the best. you have to tell everybody

Dre: Oh, wait, you mean our, I'll tell you

Krista: you met.

Yes.

Dre: story?

Krista: Yes. The Sacred, oh, maybe that's the title. Sacred Synchronicity. I like that.

Andrea: I like a little alliteration. Alliteration. That's beautiful. Okay.

Dre: You want me

Andrea: I, I would love Yeah, please that. I'd love it.

Dre: We [00:02:00] were at the incredible event Hello Sunshine's event. Last, I don't know what October I think it was, and we were sitting in, I. Uh, a, uh, workshop led by Peoplehood which is basically a council circle esque workshop that, uh, the women that developed SoulCycle developed this extension called Peoplehood, which was a way to bring people together.

They were talking about what I do, which is the art of circling, but they call it Peoplehood. And they offered us a prompt and we wrote down our answer.

And this is a way to encourage people on how to connect. So you raised your hand and shared your name's, Andrea. My name's Andréa and what you shared, we were a couple rows away from each other, but what you shared, oh, it's 1111 right now where I

Krista: Ooh,

Dre: just so you know,

Krista: yes.

Dre: um, as we're telling our sacred story. You shared who you [00:03:00] were, what you were going through, and you did it in a very honest, vulnerable way. And if I remember correctly, you had just had a kid go off to college. You were starting a podcast, you were feeling very like at the beginning of a new chapter. I had just written down, and that was your high and your low, if I'm remembering correctly.

That was like your blessing and your challenge

Andrea: That's right. Mm-hmm.

Dre: that here you were at this time in your life, this maybe this midpoint. And I had written down the exact same thing

Andrea: Oh my gosh.

Dre: and after you shared, and I remember you feeling very vulnerable and I thought, well, now I have to share because I want her to feel that she's not alone or that she's supported. So I raised my hand and I, and I even like, showed my notes. I said, well, my name's Andréa. I'm starting a podcast. I have my first child going off to college.

And you and I [00:04:00] looked at each other and we went like this, like eye to eye, like, we need to connect after this.

Now I have full body chills. We need to connect. And then we did, and it was kind of like an instant, like synergy. And then we looked at our wrists and we were wearing the same bracelets and we took a picture of it. So we had all of this.

Andrea: Mm-hmm.

Dre: Canada and I'm from LA. and here we met in this clandestine moment and I was feeling, um, very aggressive.

I, oh, I had just recorded my first 10 episodes of the podcast

Andrea: Oh, wow. Oh my gosh.

Dre: I had just landed the day before. I had just gotten back from New York, landed, met you ladies, was at Hello Sunshine, the most incredible event ever.

Krista: It really is.

Dre: And I had my, my friend Elise Loehnen on my podcast and she was telling me and sharing, I love her work.

I know her. I'm like a huge super fan. And on my podcast I [00:05:00] begged her to tell the story about what she was studying and had just written about on her substack, which was about the podcast world and how men support men kind of effortlessly, but

Andrea: Mm-hmm.

Dre: this very low rate of having female guests and that women, we need to be even more, my word, not hers, aggressive about how we show up for each other.

So I came after that. I was like, I'm gonna do your podcast, tell, do my podcast. We're all gonna do your podcast, podcast. And you were like, oh, okay.

Krista: Okay.

Dre: so here we are. that's my memory of our sacred synchronicity.

Andrea: That's,

Krista: Is so good.

Andrea: that's so good because of course, through your lens, there's so many layers that I wouldn't have known of. and at the same time, there's the blend of the same experiences in that, I so appreciate hearing [00:06:00] your version and hearing how um, that moment occurred for you because the words you've just used to describe that moment synchronistic or, that there was this connection, this, this unknown, that we walked into that place not knowing that in that moment we were going to meet one another in that way.

Um, all of that is exactly how I would describe through my lens, to back up just a, a wee bit, I took this trip with Krista, down to LA from where we both live in Vancouver, and, I lit, Krista said to me. I am going to this conference.

if you'd like to come, I think you'd really enjoy it. I didn't look up the conference, I didn't go to the website. I didn't even know what it was for. And I said, okay. Yes. And that was a big [00:07:00] moment because it went against my, perhaps typical way of behaving, which was to, you know, deep dive and research and figure everything out and make sure that I knew what I was doing.

Um, but it was because of the place I was in my life at that moment. So having just seen, uh, my youngest daughter off to university, taken my oldest daughter to university in Denmark, um, leaving my career and job that, um, had spanned, 30 years, and launching a podcast, uh, of which I'd never done before.

And when this opportunity came up to do something and I say this now, less as though I'm guilty and more with conviction, but I did something for myself, which was to accept this invitation to go to this event

So when there was the, the offer by the, the host and facilitator for people in the audience to share, [00:08:00] I felt all of a sudden, like I was trying to control my arm from raising. 'cause I thought Got Abso no, stop, stop, stop, stop. And then all of a sudden my hand was in the air and then I just went with it, which is when I shared, um, which was very scary.

and when I did share, I heard a voice behind me that said, Hey, Andrea,

let's, let's meet up afterwards. I've had just the same experience and I relate to what you've just shared so much. As I told you, Dre, it's amongst one of the most kind of, um, I get, I get weepy.

It was just a very, um,

just a very impactful [00:09:00] moment, by another woman, um, who courageously and vulnerably shared that they too felt something in what I had shared and all of a sudden feeling like. What am I doing? Who am I? Why am I at this conference? Um, all made sense. And so I made sense. And so what was happening started to make more sense.

I felt in that moment that I was okay and that this was gonna be okay,

And so it was just such an impactful moment and, I just deeply appreciate that you made that gesture and that you, um, shared and that you were, what did you say? You were aggressive.

I love that you were aggressive in that moment to do something that perhaps, [00:10:00] and I don't know, but perhaps years before you, and maybe if I was in the same session or Krista, we might not have said anything 'cause we would've felt scared to do it.

Dre: correct.

Andrea: So I love that.

Krista: aggressive. I, I love it so much. I lived in Toronto for four years, and when I came back to Vancouver, I used that word a lot and people would have a, like a physical reaction when I would use the word,

Dre: Hmm.

Krista: and I would remind them that it doesn't have to be a negative connotation. It can actually be positive, and I don't know if that's

Andrea: Hmm

Krista: a female energy thing or what that is, but I am, I'm definitely here to, make sure that we can all have a positive spin on that word, aggressive, because it can be groundbreaking if we, if we actually harness it and use it. [00:11:00] So thanks for being aggressive. Thanks for making Andrea connect and feel at home and grounded and. You know, that was a huge weekend of Andrea saying yes. And

Dre: Hmm.

Andrea: Hmm.

boy

Krista: am I ever glad she did.

Dre: Hmm.

Andrea: Thank you.

Dre: I just wanna, you know, I had my hand on my heart. I don't know if you guys use visuals, but for anybody listening as as Andrea was sharing, I was taking it in because what you experienced, is really what, you know, I've been living my life in circles and leading circles and the art of circling and what you just shared with us is the art of circling, is the art of connecting, is the, I started by saying like sacred synchronicity and you are right.

I probably, like 10 years ago, I wouldn't have raised my hand.

Andrea: Hmm.

Dre: Maybe I would've gone up [00:12:00] to afterwards, but having sat in this practice of circling, of practicing connection

Andrea: Mm-hmm.

Dre: especially with other women, but also with myself. I've given myself this voice that I could raise my hand. And what I loved what you said was that, you felt after being witnessed, 'cause I was inspired by your share to share.

Andrea: Hmm.

Dre: As a participant, I was like, oh, I am nervous too,

Andrea: Hmm.

Dre: as my hand went up and I was like, but I have to share.

Andrea: Mm-hmm.

Dre: I have to witness this woman with the same name and we're going through similar journeys because I know the power of it. I know the power of being witnessed. I know the power of just seeing somebody and saying it.

Andrea: Yeah. Yeah.

Dre: I see you, I feel you

Andrea: Yeah.

Dre: And in that moment you feel I'll, I'll, I'll be a little lofty with this sentiment. But [00:13:00] in that moment, you feel more held by everything, by the universe, by the synchronicity

Andrea: Yeah.

Dre: It's like

Andrea: You do.

Dre: by the little, know, God shot. And it's so funny when you said, and here's this stranger, you know, Byron Katie, who is a, a great spiritual teacher. Okay. So I've been, studying her for years and I had the privilege of having a one-on-one conversation with her once. And I was like, flipping out 'cause I'm such a big fan.

Krista: No doubt.

Dre: Byron, Byron, I feel like I know you. And she said, well sweetheart, when you know yourself, you can never meet a stranger.

Andrea: Hmm.

Dre: And so whenever I hear, and so I have chills, whenever I hear someone say stranger, I'm like, no, we're not. When we know ourselves, like we're not really strangers. So that's why when I

Andrea: Mm.

Dre: women, I was like, oh, hi. Hey,

Krista: [00:14:00] Yeah. we go.

Andrea: Familiar.

Dre: What are we doing? And, and to use the word aggressive Krista, it's like I was aggressive with my desire to connect you

Krista: Yes, yes,

Dre: I was aggressive with my desire to express like easy love between

Krista: yes. Yes.

Dre: that's what I've been on the, the path of recovering or remembering or facilitating or, because when I sat in my first circle, I found it so easy to connect with other women. Whereas before I'd find it really hard to connect with other women

Andrea: Right,

Dre: unless I was living with them, going to school with them or working with them.

Andrea: right.

Dre: And now I know that like, guess what? And, and we experienced this at the Hello Sunshine event. I, you can feel it changing in our collective. Women aren't just competing with other women anymore. Now we're aggressively reaching out. Reese talked about this a lot during her [00:15:00] seminars

Andrea: yeah, yeah.

Krista: She did.

Dre: where she was like, no it behooves me to help all of you. And we all felt it in the audience. We were all like, yeah, what are we doing? Feels

Andrea: That's right.

Dre: women feel so much more natural going like, I love you. I wanna help you. What are we doing?

Andrea: A hundred percent

Dre: where are we going? How can I help you? how can I promote your podcast? Tell me, I wanna do it.

Andrea: I, yeah.

Dre: can

Krista: With,

Dre: your

Krista: with no intent of, uh, selfishness behind it. True, true authenticity. True. True desire to actually help because you want to help them.

Dre: You know why? Because helping and giving is our nature and it feels really good.

Andrea: Yeah. Yeah.

Dre: and I love to talk about how giving and receiving is one in the same.

Andrea: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Dre: you ladies giving to me feels like amazing. And it feels amazing for you to give to me and me giving to you feels [00:16:00] amazing

Andrea: Yeah. Yeah. It's reciprocal. Yeah. A hundred percent.

Dre: but we had to, I think I did, I'll speak for myself. I had to get really conscious about it because I was raised in a culture that told me like, just be the giver.

Krista: Mm,

Dre: Just be the giver

Andrea: Right.

Dre: The good girl, be the

doer.

Krista: Right,

Dre: Be be of service. Don't ask for too much and, and be humble. And be

Andrea: Mm-hmm.

Dre: Is that the right word? Uh, be like,

Andrea: Yeah.

Dre: be be grateful for what you're given and don't ask for too much, but be of service to everybody.

Krista: Yep.

Andrea: Gosh. Yes. Yeah.

Krista: me, like

Dre: receiving was very uncomfortable. I

Krista: it,

Dre: learn how to receive.

Andrea: Mm-hmm.

Dre: leading circles for women, and I can spot you a mile away when you're a do-gooder and

Krista: uh.

Dre: out of balance and outta whack with receiving, I can spot you a mile away and I'll do an exercise where [00:17:00] they have to receive.

Andrea: Mm-hmm.

Krista: Yes,

Dre: have to. They have to get better at receiving. And I like to say like, how dare you only be a giver? How selfish of you. And they're

Andrea: Yeah. Right?

Dre: about? like, if you're doing all the giving, how good does it feel to give? It feels great, right?

Andrea: Mm-hmm.

Dre: Why are you denying everybody else the same glory

Andrea: That is such an interesting way to shift that, that reframing is mind blowing it kind of leans into this space of, um. It's not martyr, but, but, but being that person who, who believes that you are doing everything for everybody else and that you are ultimately, doing it out of your heart for being of service to everybody.

But in fact it's feels really good when you're doing all of those things. So you're filling up your [00:18:00] own bucket and you're not recognizing that by not being on the receiving end, you literally are in some ways selfish and or denying the happiness of others. So that reframing is massive, massive,

Yeah. Let's make

Krista: Yep.

Dre: immediately.

Krista: Okay. Done. I've already ordered them.

Dre: It's,

Krista: Um

Dre: we think we're being selfless

Krista: hmm.

hmm. but

Dre: we're being selfish.

Andrea: selfish. Which makes me feel like, just because now I real, like that actually bends my brain because that is what I've lived.

Dre: Yes. Okay. And I'll add to it I'm a lunatic about love right now. I'm

Krista: Woo. Yes.

Dre: about love. I'm

Krista: Ooh,

Dre: like retreats about love.

Krista: have you read Frannie's book yet?

Dre: Yeah.

Krista: Isn't it so good?

Dre: It's so good. [00:19:00] We're talking about how to

find true love. Yeah.

Andrea: Yeah.

Dre: Francesca Hogi's book. Yeah. Yeah.

Krista: Yeah.

Dre: Yes.

Krista: To, to sidestep for one second, Frannie and Connor were both leading that workshop

Andrea: Yeah.

Krista: Peoplehood were putting on the, the event that we all, we all met at. So

Dre: Yes, that

Krista: yes, love. Okay, getting back to love.

Dre: Back to Love. let's say you ladies decide to, um, send me a gift in gratitude for doing your podcast, right?

Let's just say, where can we send you a a, a book or a t-shirt or something? And I go, no, no, no, no, no. I'm okay. I don't need anything. You don't have to thank me. I'm great, I'm, I don't know if this visual, but my hand gestures are like literally blocking your gift of love. I don't need anything. I'm okay, but I'm literally block like saying no to your, to

Andrea: Mm-hmm.

Dre: giving me love. You wanna have [00:20:00] expressed your love to me. What? Maybe it's a gift. Maybe it's a,

Krista: It's a tot bag. It's coming.

Dre: it's okay, but whatever, whatever. I'm just kind of using the

Krista: I know, I know. I know.

Dre: so many people think they're being selfless or I don't need anything

Andrea: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Dre: but really what they're doing is blocking love and it's usually

Andrea: Interesting.

Dre: And I have the data, it's usually from leading so many circles with women. It's usually the women that are so selfless and they do so much for everybody, are the ones that are unhappy

Andrea: Mm-hmm.

Dre: because eventually,

Andrea: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Dre: They, they aren't receiving enough love. They're getting a lot out of the giving. Right. then they're, they're, they kind of look around and because they haven't really understood the balance or the alignment of giving and receiving, they don't maybe have the love in their life that they really desire.

Andrea: [00:21:00] Yeah. Yeah. Their tank is empty probably at that point. Right? They start to feel depleted because they haven't received

Dre: Mm-hmm.

Andrea: by their own doing, they haven't allowed for their own reciprocated gestures of love to fill them back up again and to keep them fueled,

Dre: I

share one other story 'cause

Andrea: Mm-hmm.

Dre: learned how to receive, and that is,

Krista: Hmm.

Dre: my 55th birthday recently.

Krista: Nice.

Dre: And I, because I've been leading circles and celebration circles and all different types of circles for so many years, I, with my online community, I, offer these meditations on Saturdays and I put out that, oh, it's also my birthday.

I'm leading a guided meditation and come celebrate my birthday with me. Kind of bold ladies, for me to say that to my online [00:22:00] community. Women showed up, some of them wrote poems, some of them gave me birthday wishes. And because I've studied this, I knew that it was my job to just receive. And I've led this before.

So I, so I knew what to do and I knew not to even say thank you. After each woman blessed me with a birthday poem or offering or whatever I bawled, I received, I couldn't believe it. The words that were gifted to me were life changing, life affirming. And I knew to keep my mouth closed because I knew that even if I said thank you, it, I was blocking the full receptivity of their gift to me.

Andrea: Hmm.[00:23:00]

Dre: Of their gift to me and it's like an awkward new way of being.

Andrea: Hmm

Dre: but I got a lot of reflection from, from the circle afterwards where they said it was the most profound thing they ever felt in giving to somebody else because they felt like it was truly received

Andrea: mm.

Krista: Wow.

Dre: that their words, that their sentiments and talk about fuel.

you said the word fuel, I went, oh my gosh, that was my birthday circle. They filled up my tank to

Andrea: Yeah,

Dre: Overflowing

Andrea: yeah.

Dre: because

Andrea: Which

Dre: to

Andrea: receive,

Dre: receive it.

Andrea: So it, it's just such a profound understanding the way that you've identified that receiving. Receiving oxygen, or in this case, receiving love or receiving feedback or [00:24:00] receiving whatever it is, is an incredible move towards self-care and self and just self, like being able to like continue as self and then doing all the things that you know, that you can do and impact around you.

Um, so it's, gosh, it's, I love just this, this departure from what we've maybe dabbled around or talked around in a certain way and having it being grounded in this way of describing, receiving, it's incredibly moving.

Krista: I share a story

Andrea: Yes.

Krista: so I have twin boys. they're nine. And, before they were born, um, I was 39 when I had them. And before they were born, I told everybody, I don't want any help. I don't want anyone to come [00:25:00] over to the house. I want two weeks for my husband and I to make a mess and to stumble and fall and to do all the things and to try to just figure this out on our own.

I wanted to do it on my own. And I learned during that time that. I didn't have a choice. I got to a point where I was so exhausted and so tired, and probably on the verge of being very, very sick that I had to open up and I had to receive, and I, and it was out of exhaustion, but I'm so glad that it got to that point. It was an absolute breaking point for me, and I'm so glad and thankful that it happened

Andrea: Hmm.

Krista: now I've learned ask to a point now where I just ask people for everything and all the things, like to the point where sometimes I catch myself and I'm like, whoa, good for me. But also,

Dre: Yeah.

Krista: wow. Is that, is that a lot, like, is that too much like No, it's never too much ask, because if you don't ask, you're not gonna get the help.

I had to get to a point where I was just [00:26:00] completely broken and I didn't have a choice. I had to let people in and I had to let them help me. I'm so thankful for it.

Andrea: Mm-hmm.

Dre: know, do you know where it came from? Like where that, where that message came from?

Krista: I like, I think, you know, Dre, you, you talked about it, you shared that, um, when you were raised it was very much of, you know, giving. That was, and, and it wasn't, it wasn't, the message wasn't that I shouldn't receive. It was just a lot of focus on giving. And my mom is a giver. I mean, she just, she gives all the time, all in all kinds of ways, and I think, you know, you can look at the people that raise you. You can look at their actions, you can hear their words and remember how you felt and what was right, and not necessarily what was wrong, but what was right and what was mirrored to you. And so for me it was always like, [00:27:00] oh yes, that. Oh, and then I wanted to give and I wanted to share.

And that's just who I am innately too. So

Andrea: Mm.

Krista: over the years, and I hate the word balance, but I've found this place where I can sit in giving when I want to and I truly feel I wanna give. And also now receiving, being able to sit in there. But what you said about. Providing that opportunity for those people that were giving you poems, gifts, time, you know, whatever that was they were giving you. Not to say thank you was like, that hit me really hard when you said that, and I can see on the other end how good it would feel to be the giver and how uncomfortable that would make me to not be able to say thank you.

Dre: Oh, we're gonna do it ladies. We're gonna get a, I'm gonna get you girls in a circle and we're gonna mess

Krista: So thank you for that.

Dre: you up

Krista: thank you for that. I can't wait. Let's go. Let's [00:28:00] do

Andrea: I love a mess up.

Dre: to be clear, I did a lot of gestures. I had my hands on my heart.

Krista: Yeah. Okay.

Dre: I was letting them know

Krista: Mm.

Dre: that I was receiving. I just wasn't. Now I'm gonna thank you. Now I'm gonna tell you how much I love you

Andrea: Yeah.

Dre: Now I'm gonna be like, that means so much to me. I just was

Andrea: Yeah.

Dre: like, it was a more,

Krista: Energy almost. It was like an energy exchange.

Dre: like I wanna say like maybe the word grace

Krista: Mm.

Andrea: Mm. Yeah.

Dre: I was experiencing more grace by not saying anything.

Andrea: Mm.

Krista: Mm-hmm.

Dre: Like, it was more profound for me. And this is the practice of deep listening in circles. It was more profound just to take it in and not respond.

Andrea: Mm-hmm.

Dre: but I was taught to do that. I, I learned this practice. So now I love to teach this practice because I learned it.

Andrea: Mm-hmm.

Dre: forced. I was forced to learn it from my spiritual [00:29:00] teacher. She made me plan a receiving day where I had to

Krista: tell me about that. What? Oh, that makes me uncomfortable. I'm sweating.

Dre: because I was such a bad receiver.

Krista: Whew.

Whew

Andrea: Hmm

Krista: Mm-hmm.

Dre: I was an over giver. I was a co-dependant lunatic. I was everybody's best friend, I showed up for everything, I was at your bedside, your hospital side, your birthing side, your death side, like you name it, if there was a side to be at, I was there and I was depressed. Remember when I said like you know, those over givers, those ladies tend to be the most unhappy?

That was me. That was me. everybody loved me. They could always count on me, but everybody else was creating the lives they wanted. And I was like, not where I wanted to be because I wasn't in my own life, I was taking care of everybody [00:30:00] else. So I was a, I was like an Olympian, codependent, a gold medalist. And my teacher, spiritual teacher, Nanielle, who's no longer with us, she was like, uh, I am assigning you a receiving day. What's that? Well, you're gonna ask, I can't remember if there was a number of friends, but like your closest friends and they have to come and they have to do something for you on this day. And all you can do is receive. And the embellished story that I'm telling myself now that

Andrea: Hmm.

Dre: you is that she told me. I wasn't allowed to say thank you. That's my memory. But it. Maybe I, I probably did say thank you, but, so I had to ask Krista, I love your lunches. Will you bring me lunch? And Andrea, I love that, you write poetry. Will you write me a poem or draw me a picture? You know, send me one of your

Andrea: Mm-hmm.

Dre: [00:31:00] quotes that you write so beautifully. Whatever. It was like, I had to ask you to do it for me. Are you dying? Are you sweating? Now?

Andrea: Yeah.

Dre: Do it for me. And I was, this was before I had kids, so I was young, you know, I was

Andrea: Oh wow.

Dre: 30, 3, 4, 5 maybe. And, and my friends were like, yeah, what are we doing? Okay. What do you want? Like, my friends, they didn't care. They love me, right? And to me it was like, I, I was rearranging my own DNA.

Andrea: Yeah.

Dre: for them it was the greatest, easiest thing in the world. Why? Because I had given them so much.

Andrea: It's so wild.

Dre: and I was so uncomfortable, ladies. I was so, but I got it.

Andrea: Well, you've just done an enormous reveal of so much that I am relating to, and I think by seeing Krista, Krista nodding, I feel [00:32:00] like one of those things that, I've heard and read a little bit is this sense that when you listen to somebody sharing their own personal story or, or reflection that, um, listening, you acknowledge, you create the space and you acknowledge, um.

As soon as you move into saying anything, you've moved beyond listening. So now you're providing, um, something. And so I, I go back and forth in that, in that space of, um, when somebody shares something, acknowledging and then moving on or acknowledging, and then sometimes reflecting, uh, your own experience when you hear that story.

Um,

Krista: You're really good at listening and then saying back what you heard

Andrea: oh, well, I appreciate that.

Krista: are really good at it.

Andrea: [00:33:00] Okay. Well, thank you.what I don't want to do in my tendency to be verbose is over overshare my own experience. To then take away from what I've just heard. And so right now, full truth, all I wanna do is go, oh my gosh, Dre, everything you just said, I have this story and I know exactly what you're saying and I feel, and so I would love to go down that path.

But I, what I will do, because this is part of the art of practice, is I will say I so deeply appreciate that. First of all, your own personal story of, of how you've moved and you are continuing to move down this path of shifting and practicing.

So one, I appreciate that this is a practice and that you've shared how it's worked for you, because I feel like that's an, that's something that [00:34:00] people can take away. And so it's that relatability piece that I just feel so deeply connected to. 'cause I, I recognize the Olympian or the gold medal winning Olympia. I actually, you know what, I think we'll have to have a, I think we'll have to have a, a runoff, um, because I recognize so much of what you've just described as being my own behaviors.

So perhaps it's even generationally more, more deeply connected.

Dre: Deep Ladies. I mean,

Krista: Yeah.

Dre: really,

Andrea: Yeah.

Dre: you know that Elise's book, well, years of Circling and Elise's book, Elise Loehnen’s book, the Seven Deadly Sins and the Price Women Pay to Be Good

Andrea: Okay.

Dre: deeply ingrained it is in us to be good that we're kind of programmed to be good.

Andrea: Yes,

Dre: and to be helpers and to not put on our oxygen mask first.

We're not taught that as young people up until now. My favorite saying is, up until now,

Andrea: I love that.

Dre: because your podcast, [00:35:00] my podcast, the books we're reading, the guests you're highlighting, the conversations we're having is that we're becoming more and more aware of, the conditioning. It's not just like random personalities in women have this conditioning,

Andrea: Yeah,

Dre: it's patriarchy, it's culture, it's systemic

Krista: Yeah.

Andrea: generational.

Krista: Yeah.

Dre: generational.

Andrea: Generational. Right. Passed down generationally. Yeah. It's wild.

Dre: and then and how do we undo it? We share, we share stories. We share tools, practices, epiphanies, connections. And we model and experience the opposite and how much better that feels and how much it benefits

Andrea: Yeah.

Dre: our lives, our children, our families, our communities. So it's exciting. I think we're in exciting times of sharing. And I really wanna honor you, Andrea, for doing what you just did, which [00:36:00] is you received what I shared. received it. And I love this analogy. I'm also an actress, so I use this in acting coaching and dah, dah, dah, that if I throw you the football, you have to catch it first,

Andrea: Hmm.

Dre: then you reposition it, and then you can throw it back. But if you're not catching the ball. Then you can't throw it back. So you kind of caught my share. So like you, if it's just for a beat, like, ugh, I heard that. I felt that.

Andrea: Hmm.

Dre: Yes, thank you. That resonates with me. Then I feel seen, heard, held. And then you go on to share your story, which is, you know, what it brings up for me is like, it reminds me of

Andrea: Hmm

Dre: this story, but we all, uh, up until now, up until now, a lot of us that have a lot of energy and we think really quickly and we're not in the practice of being good listeners up until

Andrea: hmm.

Dre: We get too [00:37:00] excited and you share a story about, your daughter and I'm like, oh my God, me too.

Andrea: Yeah. Yeah.

Dre: share my story about my daughter.

Andrea: Yeah.

Dre: why do we do that? All we're looking for is connection.

Andrea: That's right.

Dre: with you. I wanna tell you so fast how we're connected. And what you did was like, you just allowed for a deeper connection by catching it, by, by, by really taking in my share. I'm kind of modeling the art of circling right now by really taking in my share. you took a sacred pause and you allowed it to go deeper within you because what we tend to do is like, we kind of keep it on the surface and like, like a rock skipping over the lake. It's like

Andrea: Yeah. Just

Dre: something and you're like, oh my got me too.

And you want to, you wanna like throw it right back, right away and it's fine. And we can do that and, and we will connect and, but, but we are all interested in like,

Andrea: mm-hmm.

Dre: no, I wanna really connect. [00:38:00] It's what we're all starving for. It's why we're in a loneliness epidemic.

Andrea: Yeah.

Dre: because we've lost the

Andrea: Yeah.

Dre: Of giving and receiving, of deep listening and of connection. Up until now,

Andrea: I could do is just practice the art of listening. Just, just listen and then do this other crazy thing. Pause before you respond.

Mm-hmm.

Dre: Just like take a breath.

Andrea: Yeah.

Dre: I hear? and in that pause, you'll continue to listen. So you finish speaking, if I pause, I'll keep hearing what you said.

It's downloading. I.

Andrea: Yeah. Yeah.

Dre: and then I'll say, thank you for sharing. That meant so much. You know what, it reminds me of a, of a similar [00:39:00] story,

Andrea: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Dre: feel so much better on the receiving end of that than the connection of like, oh my God, me too.

Andrea: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Dre: God bless my mom. I love my mom,

Andrea: Mm-hmm.

Dre: is a horrible listener she could only respond with her own story.

And I would say, mom, I just, but like, did you hear what I said? No, I heard what you said. But I just,

Andrea: Yeah.

Dre: and I, and I craved her to just hear me and I say to women all the time, I'm like, I'm, I'm cursing too much on your podcast. But

Krista: great.

Andrea: No, no, it's all good.

Krista: So great.

Dre: you really wanna fuck somebody up? Listen to them.

Andrea: Yes,

Dre: their world. Listen to your

Andrea: a hundred percent.

Dre: don't respond. Like count to 10 after they finish speaking, count to 10,

Krista: keep talking most of the time.

Andrea: Exactly. And then they keep sharing [00:40:00] more and more and they'll go deeper.

Krista: yes.

Dre: I just had a conversation about this. Someone was asking me, they said, you know, you hold space really well. How do, how do you hold space for people? And I said, oh, that's interesting. I never thought about it. Um, well, I think it's because maybe I'm, I'm holding myself as I'm listening,

Andrea: Hmm.

Dre: so you could be telling me about, you know. Something alarming that happened to you. And I'm holding myself as I'm listening to you. I'm not going, oh my God, your house was on fire then. What? Ha I'm not in the fire with you. I'm, I'm holding myself. So, in that I'm also being an incredible listener I'm listening for what's really what you're really saying versus what I think you're saying or

Like, if [00:41:00] I'm listening to someone that's repeating a story that I've heard 47 times and they're in a pattern and dah, dah, dah, the more I can hold myself. the less energy I'm gonna waste on trying to change them.

Andrea: Mm-hmm.

Dre: in their, they're in their pattern and people tend to want to talk to me.

I think because I'm holding myself while I'm listening to them. I think that's what's happening.

Andrea: Mm-hmm.

Krista: that makes sense. Yeah.

Andrea: Yeah.

Dre: I'm being

Andrea: You.

Dre: I'm being more present with them. And I do it with my kids too. And the kids are challenging 'cause you really wanna like

Andrea: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Dre: guide them

Krista: Mm-hmm. Hmm,

Dre: so I try to do it. I'm not great with them, but I try to just be like, oh my God. Okay, don't freak out. Don't freak out.

Andrea: Mm-hmm.

Dre: Just listen. Okay. They're saying that thing that drives you crazy. Just listen.

Krista: hmm.

Dre: listen. Oh, it's not that bad. Oh, they're actually unpacking it just fine. Oh. [00:42:00] They actually know a thing or two. But if I'm so busy interrupting them, if I'm like, yeah, but you shouldn't have said that because, and why are you doing that when you should be doing this?

they're not able to get to their own sense of self security and wisdom. If I am not holding myself and so busy projecting onto them, you know, my childhood fears,

Krista: Mm-hmm.

Dre: that.

Krista: Do you think that there's a connection between loneliness and listening.

Dre: we'll use podcast conversation for example, where it started, which was Andrea felt less alone in that group that we were in when she felt that I heard her. So there it is. So she felt heard.

Andrea: Yeah.

Dre: her. I was listening. I reflected back to her like, [00:43:00] Hey, yeah, me too. And she felt less alone. So that has to do with listening or active listening.

Andrea: Mm-hmm.

Dre: yeah, you feel less alone when you hear someone else's story and you hear yourself in their story. I mean, that's literally why I fell in love with Circling, is because the first circle I sat in at age 24 in Laurel Canyon, I felt less alone.

Andrea: Hmm,

Dre: Nobody was saying, I'll be your best friend forever, and here are the keys to Hollywood. Nope. There were women sharing their stories and they were women that I thought were like bigger, better, more successful, had it all figured out. They were older, richer, whatever it was, whatever I was projecting onto them. And you know, the woman across from me. I think she was a director or a producer. Anyway, she had a career and I thought she has it all figured out. She's, she's amazing. [00:44:00] And she shared a fear, a challenge, a struggle

Andrea: Yeah.

Dre: and I instantly felt less alone.

Andrea: Mm-hmm.

Dre: And all I did was hear her story.

Andrea: Mm-hmm.

Dre: I, I, I didn't, like I said, there was no, um, she wasn't telling me she was gonna be my best friend, and now I was gonna be less alone. It's that I felt less alone with the stories that I was living with.

Andrea: Mm-hmm.

Dre: Or if you hear a story of someone that's kept a secret for a long time and you hear their secret and you're like, oh my God, they were brave enough to share their

Andrea: Mm-hmm. Hmm.

Dre: secrets too. I, I feel less alone. 'cause guess what? Sometimes their secrets are the same as my secrets.

Andrea: Mm-hmm.

Dre: about this. I have fear about that. This happened to me. I'm, you know, I don't know how I'm going to pay the rent.

Andrea: Mm-hmm.

Dre: else confesses the same thing. or about motherhood. I thought I had to do everything on my [00:45:00] own. Oh my God. Me too. I didn't know how to ask for help. Oh my God, me too.

Andrea: Mm-hmm.

Dre: thought I had to, you know, get my, my body back after six months and I actually was gaining more weight. Oh my God. Me too. Oh, I had a horrible time challenge breastfeeding. my God. Me too. I mean, and on and on and on.

So, yes, thanks for the prompt because Listening and hearing yourself and other people's stories. Instantly connects you

Andrea: Yeah.

Dre: you feel less alone.

Andrea: Yeah. That's such a great question, Krista. Um, and, and Dre, you identifying. the scenarios that can happen that can create that connection, remind us that [00:46:00] all of our interactions with people count,

Dre: Mm

Andrea: We don't know how those interactions are going to impact somebody. Um, because in those moments, we've created either small or larger spaces of listening. it really helps to reinforce that in a world that is now probably the most it's ever been connected. Because of technology, because of all of the tools that we have to connect with people, that we also have probably the biggest percentage of lonely people than we've ever had.

Um, a little, story just because it feels very timely, is that I had shared a, a story yesterday, on LinkedIn, it was in fact very much related to, to what we're talking about in my early thirties, I had.

[00:47:00] decided that I wanted to go back to school And a very good friend who was a psychologist said, look, before you commit to going back to school for all that time, why don't you work with the suicide and crisis line, in a volunteer role,

And I took his advice, I signed up, I took six weeks of, very good training. and then jumped on these phone lines. And this was back in the nineties. And, um, it was, uh, almost two years that I worked with the, The foundation, um, and hundreds of calls from people of all kinds.

And one of the things that we were trained to do you needed to identify was it a crisis? Um, because you only have so many people and you need to make sure that the people who are calling in, who are in fact in crisis where they feel like they may like their lives, might be at stake.

Those are the people that you need to work with. The challenge was that for somebody like [00:48:00] myself, um, and probably many others, probably 15 to 20% of the calls that came in were people who felt like they were in crisis, but their crisis was that they were lonely.

Many of whom were also older people, elderly. And, what I wrote yesterday was really more about the fact that crisis looks different for different people. And we are, there should be nobody who actually identifies what crisis is. but one of the challenges was that when you identified that somebody was calling in, who was not by definition in crisis, that you needed to end the call very quickly.

And so there's me taking calls from people who all they want is to be able to tell their story and have somebody listen.

Dre: Mm-hmm.

Andrea: And all I wanted to do was listen.

Dre: Mm-hmm.

Andrea: And I had to end the [00:49:00] call. And so, you know, it taught me a great deal. Um, and I feel grateful for all the training,

But one of the things that I did really identify as being an en enormous piece of that was the, what you just talked about, Dre, and that is that listening, but receiving that and, and like you said, the football analogy, like receiving it and holding it. And letting that person physically feel that you've held it is one of the greatest and most powerful gifts that you can give another person.

Dre: Mm-hmm.

Andrea: Um, and likewise, when you then are receiving to have people listen to you or courageously identify with your story and share that they too relate to what you've shared, those are the greatest gifts that we can receive.

Dre: [00:50:00] Mm-hmm.

Andrea: And this space that we're all in this call, this work that we're doing, circling, the podcasts, the conversations, whatever it is, those moments are what are, I believe.

The things that can rewrite the way that we have been living, experiencing interaction and connection. We get to rewrite that narrative. Um, and it's through connections and it's through listening and receiving. So it's, it's so incredibly moving all of it.

Dre: Mm-hmm.

Andrea: Um,

Dre: yes,

Andrea: yes. And

Dre: Yes.

Andrea: Wow.

Krista: Oh yeah.

Andrea: Thank you. Thank you for listening.

Thank you for listening and for sharing. Um, Dre,

one of the practices, and it is a practice, but one of the practices that we've [00:51:00] been working with throughout our episodes is asking our guests, um,

Five words that you believe, really identify who DRE is, words that resonate deeply for you Um, but we love to ask that question and see what comes up for people.

Dre: Beautiful framing. Love Pisces. Like put Pisces on there twice. Love Pisces. Pisces. I'm such a Pisces. I'm just, I'm like discovering what a Pisces I am and I'm so into it. Love Pisces. Authentic. I wanna say survivor. That's just the word that's coming to me. Survivor love Pisces. Authentic [00:52:00] Survivor. Woman. Woman,

Andrea: Love.

Dre: mother, daughter, sister, friend, child, maiden, crone , you know, woman. Yeah.

Krista: Mm,

Andrea: How many times are we gonna hold our arms up?

Krista: so many.

Andrea: God.

Dre: It's like, it's like a, guys in my podcast, I literally get sick. I'm like tired of the sound of my own voice. 'cause I say in every episode, I'm like, I have full body chills. So, I'm so excited that the three of us have had repetitive chills from

Andrea: my gosh.

Dre: started. Which, you know what chills are? I learned this from my friend Lorax, who's this incredible body whisperer, is that it's our fascia that gives us chills and that it's our, I'm gonna say this badly, I wish I could quote her perfectly, but it is our, it's our divine intelligence,

Andrea: Oh [00:53:00] my gosh, you just used it. That's so it, yes, yes.

Dre: oh, I think it, I get chills. It's like

Andrea: No.

Dre: feeling into a, it's like our sixth sense, it's our

Andrea: Yeah, yeah,

Dre: That's our fascia

Andrea: yeah,

Dre: giving us chills.

Andrea: yeah,

Dre: So

Andrea: yeah.

Dre: you'll get it back here, the back of your head. Sometimes you'll get it on your arms. Full body chills.

Andrea: Um.

So in the years that you consider those midlife years,

Was there something that you think stands out that became a little bit of a transformative moment?

Dre: In midlife, something that happened in midlife.

Andrea: Mm-hmm.

Dre: Recently at 55, you know, two stories come to mind and I, I refer to these type of events as happenings. So it wasn't something that I, plotted or planned or attended. It was just something that happened to me. And I don't [00:54:00] really know what it, what it was.

But I was taking a bath and I started saying the Ho'oponopono prayer And if you don't know what that is, it's a Hawaiian prayer that is a healing prayer.

I just started saying, I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you. That's the whole prayer. And this happened a couple years ago I don't know what was happening, but I went into, well, now I do know what was happening, but I, at the time did not know what was happening. went into like a midlife review. And I went into a trance. Again, I didn't set out to do this. It like happened through me. And look, I spent a lot of time in circles opening up my channel to receive guidance. So I was being guided, I think, but I wasn't in a ceremony. I was in the bathtub. With like some, like, you know, Himalayan salt and rose [00:55:00] petals and I start saying this prayer, but I go back to like childhood, to my

Andrea: Hmm.

Dre: memory and I'm saying the prayer to every person, place, thing, event.

I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you. To my parents, to family members, to uh, you know, complicated scenarios that happened to me when I was a child, like going into some trauma and like saying the prayer, like sometimes I would get stuck on an image and I would say it until I would move past it and I got up to current day and I said it to everybody in my life and. I think I was going through an initiation or a transformation at midlife so that I could be more [00:56:00] free and clear from the past as I was transitioning into this. And now we're headed in this direction, which is, you know, they say midlife, it's like you're, if like we're looking at it as like an arc. It's like you're, you're trying to get to this point, you get to this point, the midpoint, and then you're looking at your return point.

Andrea: Mm-hmm.

Dre: I'm, so now the next, however many years are about me going into the return of the

Andrea: Mm.

Dre: So how am I gonna approach my return? I know my past, but I want, something was happening ladies, I don't, I don't, I

Andrea: [00:57:00] Mm-hmm. Hmm.

Dre: back and through that healing prayer, I was making amends to people with that prayer. I was forgiving people with that prayer. I was forgiving myself with that prayer. I say that prayer for myself a lot too. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you. And, and I was saying it for the people that I was currently in conflict with . So, and then I went into, I, I, I, I let my husband at the time, I was still married at the time, um. I went into the bed and I, and I kind of bundled up and I said, I don't know what's happening, but something's happening.

I'm fine, but I'm going through something. And he was like, okay. And I laid in bed and my, I like four or five times my body [00:58:00] just jolted. And I, I don't know what that was either, but now I'm curious, wondering, maybe I was releasing stories.

Andrea: Mm-hmm.

Dre: Um, yeah. Something was le something was leaving my body, something was working its way out, the circuitry. So that, that's the story. And then, and then I had one other story similar, probably connected in that same year where I, I just grieved, I cried and it was all about, uh. My life up until then, I was in, I was in review

Andrea: Hmm.

Dre: like, how did I get here? Good, bad, good, bad and ugly. Like, how did I get here? And I went and I just had to go back and look and go, yeah, okay, I made that choice. Yeah, okay. I know how I did that, right? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I [00:59:00] was given that opportunity. How blessed am I? Wow. I, wow, I missed that opportunity. Wow. Nope. Saw the red flag, did it. Anyway. Great. Uhhuh, Uhhuh, Uhhuh. Saw the green flag,

Krista: Hmm.

Dre: attention to the

Krista: Hmm.

Dre: like whatever it was.

I mean, I just kind of went on this time travel journey and I grieved and I allowed myself to have every blessed emotion that I was having while. While looking, and again, talking to my, my friend Maria, I was like, oh, that's what that was Oh, I just did it by myself and I didn't have somebody guiding me.

But it, it happened. It was a happening and I allowed it. I allowed it. I'm not, I wasn't afraid of it. I

Andrea: Mm-hmm.

Dre: something's happening and I'm just, it wasn't that. I'm just gonna go with it. It was like, I'm going to lean into this. Like, what is this? And because I spent so much time sitting in [01:00:00] listening, healing circles, and I had to learn how to cry in those circles.

'cause I was so closed off from, you know, childhood trauma. I, I was, so, I'm cursing again. I was so fucking psyched that I was crying,

Andrea: Yeah.

Dre: that I was releasing all those toxins those were like ancient tears. You know,

Andrea: Hmm.

Dre: those were probably like, past life tears. Those were, and I was so grateful that I could feel, I was like, yeah, I dig midlife. I was like, I am like feeling it, healing it, revealing it. I will talk about it. I will share it, I will double down on it. And it, and, and it felt, it felt, uh, cathartic, really cathartic to be able to feel so much and to know I wasn't gonna die. Because up until now, [01:01:00] feeling was too scary. Because there wasn't enough safety to feel up until now. That's because of sitting in women's circles. Now I'm gonna cry. That's because I healed so much sitting in women's circles because other women held space for me and I learned how to cry. It was safe to cry. I was encouraged to cry. No one tried to fix my tears or explain them away or tell them that was okay. I got to feel and know and own that I was okay. That's the beauty and the art of circling, and I should do a fucking podcast about [01:02:00] it.

Krista: Is that when you had a, a revelation to, do your podcast, did that come after these moments?

Dre: You know, that's a brilliant observation, Krista, probably within same timeframe. Yes. I was circling around this podcast idea, or the podcast idea was coming in as I was having happenings. I think so. I'm not gonna say like Yeah, exactly. But you're, you're correct. Probably correct. the podcast was, happening and even though I was going through this. Transitional time, um, [01:03:00] and in sometimes not feeling so great. inspiration to do the podcast was still happening. Yeah. Yeah.

Andrea: Full circle.

Dre: Full circle. We started with tears. We end with tears.

Krista: You gotta let 'em go. Uh, longer are the days for me that I apologize anymore. Uh, there was a time in probably my thirties, I think

Dre: Hmm.

Krista: would cry and I would say, sorry.

Dre: Yeah. Well, I would like to share that you're not alone. That the collective data of sitting in circles is one of the guidelines I say at the top of every circle is that tears are welcome. Laughter is welcome. All of you is welcome,

Krista: Hmm.

Dre: with tears because [01:04:00] in every circle Krista, a woman would cry.

'cause we're opening up our channels and our hearts.

Andrea: Mm-hmm.

Dre: a woman would cry, and in every circle I would hear those exact words. would sound like this. I'm sorry, I'm crying.

Krista: Hmm.

Dre: I don't know why I am crying. I'm sorry I'm crying. And I would gently follow up, or I would roll them into the guidelines. And I would say, if the women aren't crying, who's crying? And who's teaching the boys how to cry? if we are not granting ourselves permission to be

Andrea: Hmm.

Dre: feeling, human loving beings, how are we if we're not putting them oxygen on us, how are we putting, if we are not crying, how are we holding space?

For the others what happens beautifully in circles, I don't know if you've noticed, but I really love circles and I love talking about it. [01:05:00] But what you'll notice in circles is that as soon as one woman cries, it gives everybody else permission to cry.

Andrea: Yeah.

Dre: all feel, and it's, and it's science like it's oxytocin, it's empathy, it's all of this.

Andrea: Mm-hmm.

Dre: we're mirroring neuro pathways, all this incredible stuff is happening. And then we leave a circle and we feel amazing and we wanna do it again.

And

Andrea: Yeah.

Dre: we're like, what? Like what's going on? And that's what's going on.

Krista: Hmm. I love raising boys and having them witness my tears, happy, sad. Otherwise, is such a beautiful thing

Dre: Yes.

Krista: to be able to be so vulnerable in front of them and watch them witness it and, and open conversations with them about how I'm feeling and allow the [01:06:00] questions to come and, and have these beautiful conversations.

They're, they're nine and it's just such a special age. I'm loving it and I'm loving raising boys in this midlife it is such a gift. Yeah.

Andrea: And they're wonderful, wonderful boys, and you are an amazing mom.

Dre: mm I do say, I do say to my kids

Krista: I.

Dre: time, I go, I'm having happy tears. Like, I

Krista: Yes,

Dre: happy

Krista: yes.

Dre: about? I'm like, I, it just, I'm so happy and I'm crying and I'm having

Krista: Yes. Same.

Dre: they know to just kind of

Krista: Yes.

Dre: be with, with, with, with mama as she's,

Krista: Yeah.

Dre: having, I.

Andrea: Mm-hmm.

Dre: Unexplainable joy. It's like,

Krista: Yeah.

Dre: joy mixed with whatever. I don't know.

Krista: Do,

Dre: happy tears.

Krista: they get wrapped up in, in the moment sometimes with you?

Dre: kind of know I'm a little kooky, expressive Pisces Circle [01:07:00] facilitator. Like they're just, they just, it's like a Wednesday,

Krista: They embrace you?

Dre: like, it's just,

Andrea: It's like a Wednesday.

Dre: it's a Wednesday.

Andrea: I'm writing that down. It's like a Wednesday. It's a Wednesday. That's, that's,

Dre: but what I love what you said, Krista, and thank you for sharing that.

Is that saying happy tears? It's, it's like great. I, I express it. I, I let them know. I'm like, I'm having happy tears. Like here's what's happening for me

Andrea: Yeah.

Dre: Like I, and, and it just, I'm giving myself permission by saying it out loud in their presence that like, I'm emotional. I'm so joyful. I'm so happy that I'm crying and love you so much.

And yes. And, and I lean into the fact that I'm having an emotional

Andrea: Totally.

Dre: Yeah.

Andrea: I love that.

Dre: that's the new norm.

Andrea: That's the new norm.

Krista: Yes.

Dre: Yeah.

Andrea: I love the word [01:08:00] permission.

Because I think all humans are queuing from what is and isn't allowed or what is and isn't good. Right? So we look around without thinking about it, our brains are constantly looking for, something that is dangerous or something that is going to, need our attention because we need to get away.

And in that, we're also then looking around to anybody's that's around us to help us know whether we're supposed to do something, supposed to say something or not. And so in that, what society has created is, you know, and cultures and, you know, patri, all those things have created, it's okay to cry.

It's not okay to cry and largely it's not okay to cry or it's not okay to receive and not have to give all the time, or it's not okay to, be a little aggressive as a So we are always [01:09:00] looking for permission. So if we model the behaviors around our children, we are sharing with them that they don't need permission.

Dre: Mm-hmm.

Andrea: This space is okay for you to respond and behave and show up the way that you authentically are showing up. it's, another powerful kind of breakthrough to recognize that by being expressive, connected, open, who we are, and then accepting that of other people and not only just accepting, but creating the space for other people to be the same.

We are giving permission for that to permeate everywhere

Dre: permeate.

Andrea: permission to permeate and flip this thing on its head.

Dre: And some us really needed permission

and women still

do need permission [01:10:00] to fill in the blank.

cry, feel, speak, share, love one another, love each other. Express love

Andrea: Totally.

Dre: support, aggressive support.

Andrea: Yes.

Dre: I learned that

Krista: Was like, oh, right. Yeah.

Dre: Why aren't we

Krista: Yeah.

Dre: men do? Oh,

Andrea: Yes,

Dre: I learned that. So when I

Andrea: totally.

Dre: I was like, what's your podcast? I wanna support it. Let me know. What do you wanna do? Let's go.

Andrea: Uh, it was amazing.

Dre: To do that.

Krista: Mm

Dre: someone gave that to me and we were given that at that beautiful

Krista: Oh, it was really so,

Dre: for us.

Andrea: It was, it was modeled for us just as now we get to model it for others.

Dre: Mm-hmm.

Andrea: Yeah, yeah,

Dre: like the ripple effect and the wild fire and

Krista: Mm.

Dre: and, and the connection.

Krista: Mm-hmm.

Dre: You know, we're all, we're all, ripe for this [01:11:00] moment to connect

Andrea: yeah,

Krista: Yeah.

Dre: and there, and there's

Krista: Mm-hmm.

Dre: many women looking for other women like us to give them permission

Andrea: yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. And so it goes, and so we pass it on

Dre: Mm-hmm. And so it goes.

Andrea: and so it goes.

Krista: Thanks Dre.

Dre: You've, thank you. You're welcome,

Krista: Mm-hmm.

Dre: amazing.

Krista: Yeah.

Andrea: Oh, I'm getting the shit. I'm getting the chills. I think that's 'cause I don't want it to be over, but I know. Okay. We'll do it again. I just,

Dre: our,

Krista: Yes.

Dre: with our Italian, our Italian saying,

Andrea: what, I was writing it down before I got on Krista. Did you, do you have it written down? Okay. Um, I do. But I wanted to put it up on this board that you can't see off to the side here, which says stretch your head, which is one of my things. But also I was gonna write it and put it up here, which was Ti [01:12:00] Bene.

Dre: yeah. Lio bene, which is, I love you to a sacred friend, tne.

Krista: Hmm.

Dre: you don't say it. You don't say it to a lover. It's what you say to that is you love. In that way, tne

Andrea: Yeah. Ti.

Dre: and she post and she posted something. And tagged me in it and I was like, oh my God, I need to know that phrase forever and always.

So Lio,

Krista: Oh, I love that. It's beautiful. It's perfect.

Dre: you ladies.

Andrea: Thank you.

Dre: 'cause I have to pee.

Krista: Good. Oh, wonderful. We'll go pee

Andrea: Okay, let's all go.

Dre: touch. you.

Andrea: Thanks, Dre.

Dre: Cheers.

Krista: of your love.

Andrea: Bye.

Dre: love, love, love.

Krista: Bye.

Wow. Thank you so much for being here today. What an incredible session with Andrea.

Be Dewald. [01:13:00] We want you to keep in touch with her and she does too. So make sure to follow her on Instagram at Andrea, be dewald. You can find her on LinkedIn as well, and of course, her incredible podcast called Circle This wherever you get your podcasts. And us half Betty, the half Betty team. We're small and mighty.

It's Andrea and myself, Krista and Ryan, who is our sound engineer. follow us and learn more@halfbetty.com and half Betty on Instagram and our personal LinkedIn accounts. We would love to hear from you and what resonated with you for this episode. And if you are so inclined to share, please do.

It's a great way to engage with your friends and family and keep talking. keep the circle going, keep these conversations going and, and share with each other. take care of yourself and take care of each other. We'll see you soon.