S2 EP9 Christina Jazzar

[00:00:00]

Track 3: It's a really good game and tool to practice. the word no. Getting comfortable with saying it and hearing it. and it's very enlightening because there's gonna be sometimes where you feel like you have to say yes, but you don't want to. And now you're gonna be more comfortable to say no to things that you used to not be able to, and then you'll really learn to be comfortable hearing no and being okay with it.

Krista: This conversation sits right at the intersection of mental health, safety, and storytelling.

With projects like Heated Rivalry, shining a spotlight on the role of intimacy professionals, it feels like the perfect moment to talk about the people behind the scenes who are helping create safer, more supportive environments on set, and why that matters so much for our mental wellbeing. Our guest today is Christina Jazzar, with over 30 years in the entertainment industry, Christina is a performer, [00:01:00] choreographer, and intimacy coordinator.

She's also certified in Mental Health First Aid, and Psychological First Aid, which really speaks to the heart of her work. This is a conversation about what it really means to feel safe and how that connects to our mental health more than we might think. Welcome to the Half Betty Podcast, Christina.

Christina: Hello. Hi friends. Thanks for having me.

Krista: Thank you so much for your time. I know you are always very, very busy on set and, uh, in theater and in film and tv and we are talking about mental health this month. And what a perfect way to, start a conversation and talking about the job that you do and how you're helping people and how you're coordinating and how you're making these sets feel a little bit more connected.

And find out how this job came to be, and hear more about your [00:02:00] story.

Christina: Yes, thank you. Um, one thing I noted in, in the bio, it said intimacy professionals and like, there's a gamut in that title. and I really go by intimacy coordinator, but there are intimacy directors for theater, intimacy coordinator for film and tv. Um, and while intimacy professionals for life, I'm sure.

But, really grounding in, in communication and observation and that's something I love to do.

Krista: You've always been in this industry of theater and film and tv, what was the moment when you started getting curious about intimacy coordination?

Track 3: Um, I was working on the Shape of Water as one of the choreographers and, um, well, working with that team and we were going into Nightmare Alley actually. And the producer on that show had mentioned, have you heard of intimacy coordination?

Because I think, you'd be really good at it. And [00:03:00] I, I was like, no, what is that? And then I looked into it and my body had a visceral reaction to it. So yeah, it was very cool and, and kind of, of him. And then I spoke to my agent if they knew anything about it. And one of my, my besties, Amy Wright, another choreographer, and yeah, it was the end of 2019 and it just, um, kind of exploded after that, after the Me Too movement.

And maybe this doesn't sound right, but COVID shutting down our industry was a blessing for me to pause and have time to educate myself, um, during the pandemic. I think just having the moment to be able to pivot, turn, and Krista probably knows this about me, but I'm not shy to ask questions or um, you know, just to ask because the worst is you're gonna get a no.

and that's where you're starting point is when you're asking a question, um, or asking a favor or asking for, um, assistance. So I've [00:04:00] never been shy to ask for help. And yeah, I remember in the pandemic, um, just reaching out to all of these individuals that had already started, in intimacy coordination.

There was Siobhan Richardson, uh, someone who really helped me out the gate, Canadian, um, you know, leaning in where to look, what to do, all those things. And so, yeah, it was really fantastic. I was just writing everyone, 'cause everything at the time was, uh, being taught in person and we couldn't go anywhere 'cause we were.

We were all grounded. So I was just emailing and reaching out and writing and asking, and people were so kind and generous to respond back and start some training. And, Amanda Cutting, from Vancouver, who started Principal Intimacy Professionals, which is,

decolonizing the education process, meeting people where they're at financially and, um, having inclusive education for different learning types.

[00:05:00] Um, so yeah, it was just super special to be at the forefront of that movement and that education system. and having Amanda Cutting as a mentor was pretty special. And anyway, I jumped on really quickly because I just felt like this is what I'm meant to do.

Andrea: What a story. it's really fun to come into a conversation when you actually don't know a lot about a person's background because you have the lens of being curious about everything. And so I love that Krista and I get to play This duo with, Krista having such deep awareness of who you are and your story and then me coming in fresh.

part of, what we're doing with Half Betty is really kind of identifying this interesting, uh, center life as some of us are now calling it, um, and what feels like more and more often we're hearing women sharing a similar Knowing or a [00:06:00] reflection or moment that seems to unfold that, um, suggests a path forward that maybe they weren't on or a pivot, or a, an adjustment. And I feel like that's starting to become more and more clear as we're talking to women in this part of life. When you found this new kind of path forward and this visceral, which really lands this visceral feeling that you had, was that at a point in your center life, that you found to be a bit of that catalyst of shifting and changing and really moving forward in a completely new direction?

Can you say more about how this kind of falls into this part of your life and maybe, a little bit of background on, you know, where you were with family, friends, other parts of your career, like what was happening for you at that time?

Christina: Yeah. Such a great [00:07:00] question. Thank you. Um, well, in my career as far as dance and choreography, and I really felt like, you know, being, being blessed and, and the privilege of working with Roberto Campanella and all of the Guillermo del Toro stuff that was filming here.

I really felt like I was getting into, you know, some stride because the entertainment industry is always a hustle So there was that aspect where I was feeling a lot more confident in my career, um, in my home life. Um, our kids were getting older, at the time I had a son who was in grade four and a son who is in grade seven.

but our kids have always, been very independent because they have two actor parents, so our lives are all over the place. They had just, you know, you're going with your cousins, you're going with your neighbors, you're hanging out with these friends. Like we really, had created this independence within our little nucleus [00:08:00] and, uh.

Yeah, the kids are pretty fun. They go with the flow. So there was that aspect of it. Um, and as you said, sort of the center life coming to an age of confidence and you know, being 45, going on 50, just feeling like why do we put so much emphasis and effort mental health wise into external, uh, concerns and cares of, especially in our industry, how do we look?

How do we present, what did we say, you know, having all of these mental conversations. Um, and if just going back to the Shape of Water, working with the actors on that. And, um, bless Sally Hawkins and I, I was one of the few females on the creative team. Working so closely with her, with the dance and so we had this really great bond and there was so much that, um, [00:09:00] you know, that character in that story was learning to do. I dunno if you've seen the Shape of Water, it's so special. But, um, yeah, like sign language, deep sea diving, Singing, dancing. I mean, Sally was incredible.

So just, um, the partnership there, that she gave me, and I think I gave her, um. Yeah. So when the question of intimacy coordination came up, I'm thinking, as a choreographer, I'm gonna choreograph movement, which is what I do so well, this is gonna be so great, um, to then learn in the education, all of the mental health coordination side of it, um, and the considerations and the conversations and the spreadsheets and how, you know, 10% of it is choreography, if you're lucky, if the creative team will let you in on that side of it.

But mostly it's coordinating communication, understanding consent and boundaries. and facilitating a space for people to be able to communicate in, [00:10:00] in, in all facets. And the other thing in the film and TV industry versus theater, you know, theater, we come, we're all around a table, we're communicating, we're creating and growing together.

And then in film and tv, everyone's in their lane, they're all in their departments, they're in their own, stages, or a stage aspect of the production company. And then you come together and it's like communication can be broken. And as a performer, I've experienced that. So being this one department of one person who facilitates communication with everyone, so we all arrive on the same page, was so interesting and, and enlightening.

Yeah, so I had to stop and think about my own life and was like, why haven't I been using these tools? Why are these tools being taught in, in, in our schools? As far as, consent and boundaries, like understanding yourself, having these conversations with who you are and how you, you wish to present instead of how should I present, how am I [00:11:00] being perceived?

So, it definitely was that point in my life that it felt like a big leap of faith, um, for someone who's been dancing since I was three years old, and it was just such a, a progression to, to jump into education again.

it was really exciting and, uh, I learned so much about myself.

Krista: And a different, way to tell stories too, right? Because as a dancer, we can tell a story with our body and then layering on singing. Now you're, you know, you're working with your voice, but to be an intimacy coordinator, you are a part of helping tell stories in, in, just in a bit of a different way.

Christina: I would say that dance really leans into it in the sense that intimacy is conveyed a lot in body language. So that's something that I get excited, you know, and, and the tension in our [00:12:00] muscles, the eye contact we have, the breath that we're using. And usually when a scene isn't working, all you need to do is add breath and it changes the whole thing, which is so interesting as we move through life and we think about our own mental health, that if we take a minute to breathe or, breathe into those areas that we're holding stress, it just completely changed the dynamic of what we're going through.

Andrea: It feels like that's such a wonderful addition to what we talked about earlier, which is this kind of self-awareness or, um, a reflective moment. The other thing that seems to be, um, coming up, for women that we're talking to is this, recognition of the power of taking a beat.

We've heard, uh, a pause, a breath, a moment, and there are words that people are using that are all describing this same thing, which is carving out a [00:13:00] space for us to sit with ourselves, um, maybe more than we have for so many years in our twenties, in our thirties, when, the demands of, growing a career or perhaps, starting a family and trying to find the mix of those two things.

Um, and then taking care of others, which is often the role of women, including extended family or parents or what have you. So it is interesting that not only are we seeing in center life, women becoming more aware of themselves and who they are, and also okay to be who they are and not mask, but we're also collectively recognizing the power of silence.

or a pause or a beat. and so I loved how you just explained [00:14:00] that that's become something that you are really aware of and how powerful it is, not only in acting and performance, but, but even just for yourself when you're in this work, it's really, really impactful to hear the affirmation that being with yourself and taking a moment is going to benefit not only yourself, but then all of those around you that you're interacting with. Um, have you found that the experience onset has shifted over the last number of years? And if so, what do you think it is that's changing Or what are you seeing or observing

Christina: Well, when I started, um, intimacy coordination about five years ago, one thing, you know, there was some pushbacks just, or some lack of understanding. Of course, budget and film and TV always comes in, do we have the budget for someone like this? What do we need them for? We've been doing [00:15:00] this, this way and it's worked.

Sure. Um, but jump to, five years ahead, I love that other departments are more mindful, other, thought processes from the top. And I think that's what makes such a huge difference I, I came off a show Devil in Disguise, which was fantastic, the production company on that.

But just everything from the top being eco-friendly, being mental health aware, just how they serviced the production was, a huge switch from when I started coming in as an intimacy coordinator because it's so interesting as a dancer, someone who doesn't use their voice and has been, you know.

I guess, uh, programmed to believe that there's a hundred people in the wings waiting for your spots. Don't be a troublemaker. Um, you know, you just push your body to its limits and do all of these things. And that, and my internal bias was just, it [00:16:00] felt so, oh, that's just a kiss, or you're gonna wear a bathing suit in front of everyone that's, it is what it is, but, but is it, you know, so now as, a more veteran person and having these conversations, realizing there's no, just in anything and everyone's story and experience is different.

And these are all things that I never thought of before. So. it's pretty cool. So to your question of have things changed? I think so, even just working with Krista and how we collaborated on your film and, and the director for that project wasn't sure they needed an intimacy coordinator.

And now bless, you know, we become friends and, and she reaches out all the time and, and wants to educate students and have conversations 'cause you don't know what you're missing until you've experienced it or you don't know that you needed something until it happens.

Yeah. Things are changing. I mean, the [00:17:00] world in general, the conversations of mindsets or manifesting or like storyboarding, like, I, I think of one, one tool that was so interesting that I used to bring to actors saying, you know, there's a questionnaire by Carly D. Weckstein, another intimacy coordinator in the States, and, and it has a whole bunch of questions about what you're willing to do as a performer regarding intimacy.

Like, would you be topless? Would you kiss, would you simulate sex?And gets really detailed. So it's important to have those conversations with yourself so that when you get with the power dynamic of a director or a production or the job is between you and someone else and they're asking, would you, would you, would you? And you wanna just say yes, it'd be the people pleaser. but to have practiced those questions or have that knowledge for yourself going into the space, there's power in that and there's a clarity, and you can answer these consent and boundary questions, [00:18:00] with, clear consent of yourself.

So I bring that to my own life and think, oh gosh, I, I should ask myself these questions. Would I be willing to, take this money on a job, or would I be willing to work on a project that deals with this kind of content? Whereas before I'm like, it's a job. I say, yes, I need money.

All of the things that you do as an artist. Um, but now I'm more mindful, and then people I feel like, who are making their, uh, manifestation boards or thinking of the things that they want in the future. It's such a great conversation to yourself. So those things that you want and you're looking for, what are you willing to do or what feels comfortable to you to get there and in that process.

So it's a great tool to help navigate your own story. Mm-hmm.

Andrea: it's so interesting to hear again.and we talked about this at the opening, which is, so many folks out there now are served up something, whatever it [00:19:00] is, after it's been highly scrutinized, edited, polished, produced, whatever it is. And that's, just how we now experience much of what we experience,

Including moving into this space of AI and, questioning whether what we're seeing is is real or not. It feels like this is, a bit of like an anchor to humanity in that this is about humans with humans, um, the language of interaction, both the verbal language and the physical language and the emotional language of interaction.

And so it feels as though this space is only going to continue to be not only deeply, needed, but really important This is what people are yearning for [00:20:00] now is the opportunity to have real, safe, connection with others and, in the space of building film and building story that's never gonna go away.

So how do we take, the experiences that we're now having in society and. Put that into the creation of story in such a way that we are giving people the true sense of connection or a true story of love of intimacy or the real things that happen out there in the world, that are a little bit more, challenging and difficult to see, but are important for people to be able to see.

Sotell us more about your view for what you want to continue to do, and how do you see your path forward with what you're doing?

Like how do you wanna grow that?[00:21:00]

Christina: Um, wow. So many things came up, for me. Well, one is intimacy coordination. I love, like when you were talking about managing, stories and actors and productions. I just love the word coordination in there because that's really what we do.

We coordinate with everyone. And, to your point of real, stories.Something that came up was, um, the way art and creativity works in the sense that there is a gamut of. Art that appeals to so many different people,

some want, the ridiculous love story that you'll never find in real life, but it allows you to escape. So there's, a world for everyone's creation. When I get starstruck, it's not with the celebrities and the A-listers that I'm so privileged to work with. It's with the writers.

I'm always like, without them, where would we be? Nowhere. So it starts with the writing and it's really [00:22:00] exciting that writers are leaning into this role because, you know, previously intimacy was written and they kiss and they have sex and there's, you know, and they're intimate. Well, what the heck does that mean?

Exactly? Because what my, my idea of passionate, sex could look very different from what, your passion looks like, and Krista's passion looks like, or hot and heavy or, timid and shy or any sort of emotions. It's just the perspective of every individual is so different.

So it's important that the writing happens, to explain the expression, If that's important to the story. And a lot of what intimacy coordinators do are actually question some of the writing. Is this necessary to have this scene here? Is it pushing the story along? Are we learning more about our characters?

What's the dramaturgy about this scene? [00:23:00] And I've talked myself out of work many times. Oh my gosh,

Krista: Oh, no.

Christina: I have, yeah. I'm

Andrea: Say more. Say more. That sounds interesting.

Christina: Yeah,

Krista: that. Curiosity and questioning right.

Christina: yeah. Exactly. And, and I mean that, I think that's one reason why I get called back is because, for me it really is about, the creation, the process, even the budget, like, I just really lean into it and see what can be paired away. What needs to stay, how I can be involved, which actors, how it's laying out on set.

Um, and the presence of an intimacy coordinator isn't always needed. Um, if the prep work and the conversation happens, most of what intimacy coordinators do is the prep work. You know, having those conversations before I read a script, I make a script breakdown of all the scenes involving [00:24:00] intimacy, heightened emotions, um, and these are things I love bringing the attention to.

Um, intimacy can be familial, it can be, um, mother-daughter relationships and things like that. So. I do quite a thorough script breakdown. Just to have those discussions doesn't mean I need to be involved. but just has the production thought of this. Have they brought this to the casting call? Have they, front loaded a lot of the expectations of what's going into it?

Because at the end of the day, the more information an actor has, or, a performer, a production, a cameraman, the more information we have, the more comfortable and confident we feel to create what it is we're we're doing. So I really live, in that area. But, I think it, it comes down to the writing.

I'm excited to work on projects. Um. Honestly, and Krista probably can attest to this, that it's the people that gravitate me. [00:25:00] Um, you know, I, I, again, I worked on Devil in Disguise and when production called me, we had worked on a, a few projects together already, and it was such a great team, but I was so nervous about, Supporting the actors? No, of course I was gonna do it. But the storytelling, I think Dahmer had just come out and I, I'm like, I'm not as a human on my consent and boundary levels on my spreadsheet for myself. I really wanna lead with joy and bring joy to the world and positivity and all that kind of stuff.

So telling a story about a serial killer was a little bit, I need more information.but it was, it was again, done in such a beautiful way. The production company was unbelievable. The communication was bar none, and it was one of the best experiences I had, the most joyful experiences I had, even though we were telling such dark content.

So that really speaks to me [00:26:00] on what kind of projects I'd like to. Work with, it's like, who are we working with? how is it, being navigated on the day to day, the set life, the um, the way we work together as humans, as we travel through the space. I also work on Adults, whichum,It's uh, on Disney Plus and it's one of the funniest sets and shows and experiences. The writers are just the most wonderful people, and I've been blessed to do two seasons, but that also, it's like total opposites, but it's just all about, being present. what is the experience for everybody there?

I try to really be present, read the room, listen to the people. And lean into communication skills. It's funny, I always tell this story about my father, 'cause he was, hearing impaired and, sadly he, lost, his eyesight in a [00:27:00] hockey accident as well.

So communication-wise, I always felt like from a very young age that I wanted to make sure he was, hearing everything and knowing what was going on and communicating. And I think that's something else why I had a visceral reaction was this is like, seems to just really encompass communication and um, yeah, that's something I gravitate to.

Andrea: That's beautiful and I'm sorry to know of your dad's challenges.

Christina: No, it's good.

Andrea: Challenges and the way that, brought you yet another, knowing or understanding of how meaningful it is to be able to communicate, and all the forms in which we communicate. I'm curious, you've said visceral a couple times and it really resonates and I appreciated how you described that.

You remember the moment when you heard about this work and this [00:28:00] important, role, how your body felt. And I am curious, do you have,ways that your body feels when you are on set or you're in your work? Or is there something that happens that you recognize is happening in your body when you're, where you want to be or when you're finding your place?

Christina: Such an interesting question. Thank you. Um,

Krista: And also how you choose to sit into it, move away from it, or navigate it too.

Christina: Well, like the interest peaked in this question in the sense that I was a dancer for all those years, or I am still a dancer. I was dancing before just to calm my nerves. My girlfriend, Julia Juhas has Live With Ease, company

And she has Feel The Freedom Friday where she just plays a song and you can join her and you dance out. It's the best because now scientists are talking about how much dance and mental health movement exceeds drugs and all of those things. Not that we, you know, we should, we should do the drugs too [00:29:00] and help, help ourselves in any way we can.

But it's so interesting that this research has shown that movement and dance, especially the connection with music, um. Right. Where was my perimenopause brain going with that question. Um,

Andrea: I am curious how your body feels, speaking of dance and speaking. Yeah. How. Does your body feel? What is your experience of how your body feels.

Christina: Thank you. Um, on set. So I'm really proud of this, of the sense that I, and I, I don't know if this comes from dance or being an actor and being able to compartmentalize and separate, um, but when I'm working, I am there for everyone else. So it's interesting that in all other aspects of my life, I really feel like I know what I'm feeling and how I'm moving through life and the sensations.

But when I'm working in this role, especially being present for others, I feel like [00:30:00] I'm,separated and again, am being over observant clocking conversations, being ready to hear, a wardrobe conversation with, um, writers or something like, it, not, not even really involving me, but also realizing it should be involving me because of the intimacy.

So I'm just hyper aware in those situations of everything else but myself. So after when we're done, my partner Anisa Tejpar and I, who's an intimacy, coordinator here in Toronto, and we, created this collective of intimacy coordinators.

But we call each other and we debrief and we unload, and we feel all the things then, and go through all the things personally like how it affected me. Um, of course there's been some situations where it is affecting me, onset. Um, it's that slow pause like when you said, earlier [00:31:00] Andrea, about pausing.

People are pausing, people are taking note. But it's so important when you're having a conversation to not be reactive. Um, but to listen is to add these pauses. So when I'm doing. Um, an actor intake, which is something I do after I've done a script breakdown. I've talked to production about the vision of what they'd like the intimacy to be.

I connect with the actors and give the whole vision and find out where this lives in their boundaries. And it's those moments where you pause and I think you clever ladies already know about this, I'm sure, but if you wait that extra second, more information comes.

So, I think that's an important thing and something I try to do when I'm on set and we're problem solving. Huge part of the job is problem solving. So I try to solve the problems or preempt the problems before getting to set. Have we thought about this? What [00:32:00] if this happens?

How are we filming it? What are the camera angles? I try and ask so many questions so that when we get there, there's less problem solving to do.

Usually I'm by myself. So it's nice to just have someone, oh, you handled that well, or, you know, get, you get to. Discuss sort of different ways of looking at it or, um, how to move forward, how to check in afterwards. Um, part of our practice is bracketing and closure practices for actors,

So there's so much buildup in your character development, you know, backstory, how do they walk, how do they talk? Do they have props and things that they're always doing as these characters are building into the story, but then they're sort of left to their own devices to have closure on the character.

And coming back into our vessel, which is ourselves and walking through the world as Christina and not as the character I just did. So it's really nice to bracket these practices with [00:33:00] closure. and that could be as easy as listening to music or, having a shower after you get outta character.

Or, my favorite visual is Ted Lasso when the team goes onto the field and they slap the sign above the door, that's them checking in, right. Clocking in and then coming out if they had a similar practice, where they would high-five each other or things like that. Um, but yeah, it feels really good for me to be there for other people.

So I probably 98% of the time, have had the best experiences and know that I've done my best,

Krista: Sounds like you wouldn't be able to do this job if you yourself weren't grounded what are some of the tools maybe that you've learned along the way over the years that have helped you personally with your mental health and your stability?

Track 3: Hmm.

Krista: to ground yourself and be a whole [00:34:00] person? And put together so that you can go in and offer yourself up to others.

What does that look like?

Christina: The Energy exchange. I love how you visualize that and then what came to mind is, the oxygen mask that drops in an airplane and put it on yourself before you can help others. they sort of use that analogy. Yeah. I think it's enveloped in the education and the process.

You know, you're being trained to check in and do all of these things and have all of these, questions for actors, have all of these closure practices. Like they're just giving you tools for actors. And I would be surprised if anybody going through, the education to become an intimacy coordinator is like, well, I don't need that.

I'll just leave it for the job. again, Julia Juhas my friend, who I was talking about, she just started the process of training to become an intimacy coordinator. So one thing she said was, I had no idea. She was like, Chris, I had no idea.

All of these [00:35:00] things and Wow. And for someone like her, who's so enlightened about breath work and somatic movements and being present I was like, wow. It's pretty cool. I mean, some of the things I mentioned, breath work, taking moments for myself, asking myself questions about how I'm feeling instead of just.

Um, finding ways like that, oh, I love this sensory tool when you're feeling anxious or. You know, clock that you're about to experience, um, something that's maybe uncomfortable or, or heightened in yourself,

you clock five things that you see and you just name them. So I see your microphone, uh, Andrea, I see the flowers in the background.

I see my gold necklaces. you name five things you see. Um, and then you can name, uh, four things that you hear. So I can hear my fan turning, I can hear the birds outside, you know, and you just sort of run this list through. Um, so five [00:36:00] things you see, four things you hear. three things you can touch.

So like, I could play with my hair, I could tap my fingers, I can feel the pressure, I could rub my thighs. Um, and just if you're focusing on these things, it just calms, your parasympathetic and it basically makes you be present.

Um, two things you can smell. And it doesn't have to be smell. Actually, you can just take two deep breaths. and then, um, something that you can taste. Uh, so it could be a hot drink, a cold drink, or you could put a candy in your mouth. Actually, my parents were making, not making fun of me, but they were, they were laughing about how I'm always telling everyone to put a sour candy because that instant, um, sour candy reaction in your mouth takes you out of your mindset.

So, they do this in trauma training, but, um, having a sour candy and basically everything in your brain goes to what that feels like, how it tastes. your muscles are tensing. Just all [00:37:00] the focus goes to that. And then you realize you're present, you're safe and you get outta your head.

So, um, yeah, I'm always

Krista: and I'm salivating now.

Christina: Oh, you're welcome. Yeah, exactly.and or putting an ice cube in your, Mouth or something that just changes the dynamic of what you're experiencing that is very helpful for your mindset.

Krista: Doing all of that without really drawing attention to what you're doing. that is the cool part about it. Because I think sometimes we can get wrapped up in, you know, who's watching me, who's looking at me, and that can layer up and build up too. And anxiety can kick in and, it builds instead of, settles.

So those are, yeah,

Christina: But wouldn't it be great though if our reaction wasn't, oh, I hope nobody sees this, it's so true. I we're just so programmed.

Krista:

Christina: That we're all so observant of everyone, and that person might need my help right now, or I don't feel scared or, or embarrassed or shy to say, [00:38:00] I'm sorry. Can I take a minute? Can I have help? Can you gimme a hug? Whatever it is. that'd be amazing. Hmm.

Krista: Are you a hugger? Christina, are you a

Christina: yes, and it's so funny because

Krista: We talk about hugs.

Track 3: I hug with my leg too,

Krista: And so can we just dig into this a little bit more, because this is something that Andrea and I are very curious about. the touch, the lack of touch. The connection, the disconnect. You know, we're on our phones, faces in our computers and our phones and our tablets, all these devices.

Um, we've got AI now, doing things for us, sending us to places where we're not sure what's happening. there's so much going on in the world and I feel since the Me Too movement, COVID, our children are growing up in a very different environment than we had.

We're talking more about consent, which is so [00:39:00] good. It's so important. where do you feel the world is sitting at right now, just personally as you, Christina, and how can we navigate these situations in a way where, you talk about, well, can I have a hug? Or is it okay to hug you?

it's a really uncomfortable place to be for me personally right now, because I wanna hug everybody and I know that I need to ask

Track 3: So, two things came up. One thing is this, fantastic tool, which, was brought to my attention, in consent training. And essentially you can find a friend, or, your partner, or the kids even.

Christina: And you just play a five minute game of no matter what.

They say to you, you are gonna say no and you can clock how uncomfortable it feels for you when you're saying no to something that you agree that you actually would say no. Like, mom, can I jump off the roof? No. That feels a uncomfortable no [00:40:00] for you. Mom, can I give you a hug? No, that's gonna feel uncomfortable for you to say no.

But it's a really good game and tool to practice. the word no. Getting comfortable with saying it and hearing it. Um, and it's very enlightening because there's gonna be sometimes where you feel like you have to say yes, but you don't want to.

And now you're gonna be more comfortable to say no to things that you used to not be able to, and then you'll really learn to be comfortable hearing no and being okay with it.

Track 3: So that's kind of a fun game. Um, or practice. Yeah.

Christina: Well, the other thing I wanted to add is, that I feel like the folks that I've run into who genuinely care and are concerned and forthcoming and open are the ones that have the harder time understanding why a reason isn't given. Do you know what I [00:41:00] mean? Because I feel like they, they want a reason because they wanna understand.

But I think that's a big part of acceptance is that it's not your story, it's their story. It's not your experience, it's their experience. It's not your need, it's their need. And being able to separate with what someone is asking and offering and giving you to how you receive it and how, your priority is, is understanding or how it feels for you.

You need to just be able to separate, let it go, and let them have their experience and just be thankful that whatever part of it was shared.

Krista: and what's coming up for me too is the listening part and the watching. You talked about body language, right? So, um, paying attention, like when you're in a conversation and someone maybe is getting emotional and you wanna be there for them. There are so many ways you can do that.

It doesn't have to be physical [00:42:00] connection. It can be with eye contact and also listening. I mean, I know for, for me, doing Half Betty, that has been the one major thing that I have been learning about for myself is truly paying attention, listening, giving my all to a person to really allow them to feel safe and trusted that they can share their stories and their knowledge, you know, with us.

It's just such a gift to be able to tell the story and no one interrupt you.

Christina: Yes. Yep.

Andrea: it's interesting,with this most recent conversation I was thinking about, um, yet another piece that seems to be part of the thread.

This one is around, um. I'll use the word agency and we use this in another [00:43:00] conversation with another guest.

But there is such a fray in the world now with everything that's going on that there's very little, that feels like it's in our control or there's less and less that we feel personally or in a, with a sense of autonomy having control over. And so when we can give back and or create the space for somebody to feel as though they have the agency and the tools. That is such an enormous thing for people. And so with what you've shared around creating, um, techniques for taking back a sense of calm, well that's a tool that gives you agency or when you are working with folks on [00:44:00] set, um, and you're giving them the full attention that you give them to understand what's important to them and what their boundaries are and what their consent is for and what it isn't for.

You are giving them agency 'cause they've now declared. Where they stand. And so that's gonna be uphold because of your ability to be there with them saying, this is what we're setting up for you. We're setting up the space for you to be able to have the agency to say what you will and won't do. And so it feels like that's all part of it, even so much as the hugs that we were just talking about, which is fascinating.

As Krista said, it's something that's really top of mind for us personally in our own lives. But also seeing how, physical contact has changed [00:45:00] so much since the Me Too movement to today. In so much as it's been largely lost, um, and or created as something that is scary or if you're too close to somebody during COVID, you might actually get something or you might give something that could cause death.

And so touch has been vilified for so many reasons. And with that we've seen demise and we've seen then obviously the rise in loneliness and isolation and sadness and despair. And being able to give people back a sense of, okay,here are some guidelines, here are some tools to think about.

I'm going to give you some, information, some education, and then giving that to people. Like, it's just, it feels so good to have that back and then to be able to make your own decisions, even if your decision is, [00:46:00] no, I'm not gonna take a hug right now, but thank you. That is now something that people get to have and not have to feel as though they're weird or you've now just offended somebody or like, you owe an explanation or what's wrong with you.

Being able to give that to people is so powerfulthere's many of us women in our center lives, who are rising to this, space of building, and empowering and advocating for, and, wrapping our arms around with permission, other humans and bringing them all together to help and guide and support one another as opposed to running solo and running by ourselves and at the cost of cutting people out, or, not thinking about it as [00:47:00] being, this is a collective that's more powerful when we're together, but just thinking that everything has to be done by me and me alone.

So I can see how meaningful your work is. All the work that is being done by so many and there's so many that still need to get on board, but we're making great strides.

Christina: I.

Krista: Yeah, I'm thinking about the film industry specifically Christina, And I'm wondering if in the five years that you've been an intimacy coordinator, you've seen the changes and the adjustments of. a crew member too, right? I mean, you're there for the actors, but you talk about collaboration in every department you have seen and heard, I'm sure so many different, stereotypes and attitude and adjustments that a lot of crew members I'm sure are trying to learn themselves.

Have you found that there has been a change? Have you seen that? And in which ways does that show [00:48:00] up over the last five years?

Christina: Yeah. Um, thank you. That is a good question. It shows up in so many different ways. Again, in art and in humanity. Everyone is just so vastly different and there's just so many nuances. Well, one thing I wanted to say, is building community, just going back to what Andrea was saying about, the change in the movements and things, but I think the importance, you know, whether it's for touch or connection and things like that, is to build community, whatever that looks like for you, finding friends and things and, and I just feel like the overwhelm in the world right now seems so heavy. And to bring it back to that one brick that you're laying and you put your mortar and your grout and everything so perfectly and just do that one brick and think about, you know, baby steps.

I love baby stepswhat can we do today? How do we start?

And, the thing Krista about, [00:49:00] um, witnessing all the different departments, and leading into the community of the production and how I try to bring to our producers and our PMs and our production managers and coordinators, um, that it isn't just about, you know, the actor,

So it's nice, but I think the biggest thing I see. When it comes to intimacy on set, in an overall generalizing, is people like to joke, people like to lighten the mood, lighten the situation either for themselves or for others, and tend to bring up jokes.

And I find it interesting if the jokes are leaning into what is being filmed or how we're filming it, let's not do that. Or if the jokes are just thrown aside, hearing laughter in a vulnerable intimate moment for other people is jarring and is distracting So, there's other fun ways to lighten the situation.

Oh my gosh, Hamnet, And the whole [00:50:00] conversation about the dance take Right. Brilliant. so brilliant. So let's leave the jokes aside and then we will all release this energy together as a community. Um, and for the audience listening, the director on that film, it was such an emotional film that in certain takes, um, they knew it would come but didn't know when they would put music throughout the set so that, in that take, everyone just basically got up and would dance it out, shake it out again, get physical, physical release, which is so nice.

Andrea: It's so true. So many, really like effective things that we can do that don't require us to register for something and pay $29 a month.you know what I mean?

And that's what I love the most is that we get to learn so much from each other when we share conversation

Christina: It's so true.

Andrea: Can I ask you,

are there five words that you [00:51:00] feel that you've carried with you?

Or maybe they're new, maybe there's something resonant, with those words or there's a feeling of those words embodying who you are.

Christina: Sure. Well, communication is definitely a huge word for me. And I think when I thought about this question, it's funny that all my words begin with C and my name's Christina with a C. So, I also think I'm curious, I love getting to know people and asking questions. And uh, yeah, there's a real curiosity, a creativity.

I love creativity, um, and whatever that looks like.

um, and then collaboration, which would be like community.

I love collaborating. I'm not a solo artist. I wanted to always be with people and, do all the things. So collaboration is definitely a word I think that sums me up.

And my newest C word that I'm super excited about is [00:52:00] that I'm capable, I feel like in my center life I realize that I am capable of anything really. If I decide that is something I wanna do, then I'm capable.

Andrea: I feel like you, would be a wonderful recipient of a sixth word that is also a c and that is coordination because you did such a wonderful job of sharing, How connected you feel to that, and how that really does embody the work that you're doing.

Christina: I will take it and I'll put it on my trophy wall. Um, a coordinator to me sounds like somebody who's gonna get it done.

And so I've been granted that title where they're like, well, Christina, you geteveryone together and we'll do it. You start that ball rolling. So I'm like, okay, I'll coordinate it. No problem.

Andrea: And how great is that, that people can count on you, that they know that something needs done, [00:53:00] Christina would be the one that we know would make that happen.

Christina: That's nice

Andrea: like what affirmation is that Right? To know that that's one of the many things that you're known for.

Christina: Appreciate it.

Andrea: So that's wonderful.

Christina: fun.

Krista: Christina

Andrea: you for

Krista: Is there anything that you feel we've missed about, um, your job as an intimacy coordinator? Um, speaking about mental health, is there anything that else that you wanted to share?

Christina: Um, it's been, it's been so much fun to talk about it in the light that you folks are bringing forward with a mental health, focus or, The communication, the community focus and, and the conversation, and not just the, the job.

You know, everybody wants to know what's happening behind the Wizard of Oz's curtain. Like what are the gears? So, there's a lot. I could talk about this forever, which is why I get so excited.

It's super exciting that the education continues. That there's still so [00:54:00] much about what we do and what we offer and how, uh, we help productions and help folks.

Um, but externally to let the world know, I think it's so fun, when people are outside the industry and, The most simplest of comments. They weren't really having sex. No, they do not have sex in sex scenes. It changes the rating. It changes the show. It is all fake.

It's so fun. It looks so real. Yeah. That means we're doing a good job, so.

Krista: And also on the flip side, to know that your job isn't just that either, right? That I'm sure there's a lot of assumptions that it only is sex scenes that you deal with as an intimacy coordinator, but it's just so, so much more.

you just have such a, a way of bringing that beautiful calmness to wherever you are, not even just set, but at any time I'm around you, I just always feel so comfortable and grounded and heard and cared for. So [00:55:00] please know that I care about you so much, and I'm grateful to know that you are being valued, on set and in your community and that you're being heard and listened to and, understood it's important.

It's an important job you're doing, and I'm really grateful for Everything you offer to, people, humans, but the industry as well.

Christina: I mean, at the end of the day, we all should be enjoying our job. And I think that's a huge privilege. But also we just have to remember the work that we're doing isn't so urgent, isn't so serious, isn't so loaded, and that, we're here to do a job and to hopefully enjoy it.

And, and at the very least, feel respected and heard.

Andrea: and so much to do, which is so fun because there's so much more to do.

Christina: Mm-hmm.

Krista: Yes, yes, yes.

Christina: Yeah. And it's such a baby. Um, in like a baby department. Like, we're just, I don't wanna say we're only six, seven years old because [00:56:00] people were doing the work before the world knew about it, but, there's still so much on ourselves to change and grow, and it's constantly evolving, which again, is part of being present.

I think. You know that, that,

Andrea: absolutely.

Krista: Oh my gosh. Being human. the minute we think that we're done learning, I mean, goodness. what happens then? So, yes, thankful that we can learn and care for each other and just coming back to community, right? Yeah. It's all about community, how we can function together and care for each other.

Christina: Yes.

Krista: Um, okay. Amazing. Thank you for your time. And all your knowledge and tools that you've given us today.

we're so grateful for you. I'm so grateful for your friendship, and I know that Andrea's so happy to have just, inserted herself into your life for even just a moment. and we will continue to learn and grow together in this wild world we are living [00:57:00] in. Um, so thank you for, today.

Our listeners at home, listen, if you're not on Instagram, uh, that's cool. It's your prerogative, But if you are, you can find us on Half Betty. You can also go to our website at halfbetty.com and you can find us on YouTube.

you can find us on LinkedIn too. Andrea writes a lot of really beautiful articles, I'm there too.

Look, if this is something that you think somebody would be able to learn from, connect with, please share this episode as a way to connect with them, because at the end of the day, it's all about community and helping each other out. So thank you so much for listening. Until next time, friends.