Dr. Rachel Goldman EP 7

Krista: [00:00:00] Welcome back to the Half Betty Podcast. Andrea and I are so happy that you're taking the time to join us today. We first met our next guest down in LA last fall at Reese Witherspoon's Shine Away event where she was speaking on a panel alongside Dr. Lucky, who as you know, was actually our first guest on season two.

Dr. Rachel Goldman is a clinical psychologist, author, and one of those voices that just cuts through the noise in the most grounded and compassionate way. Her new book. Just released. It's called When Life Happens, and it's all about navigating the messy and unexpected parts of life with more self-awareness and resilience, which honestly is something that we're always talking about here at Half Betty,

she specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy, stress management, body image, and the mind body connection. And she's also a clinical assistant professor in psychiatry at NYU. But what we love most is how she brings all of that expertise [00:01:00] into real everyday life, making it feel accessible and human and, and to be honest, actually doable.

You may have seen her in the New York Times, CNN and the Today Show, or heard her speak with Oprah and Mel Robbins, but today we get to have her right here with us. This is a conversation about what happens when life doesn't go according to plan and how we can meet those moments with just a little bit more grace.

Our conversation has already started, so let's jump in.

I know that you have been on a mission to tell people about your book and to help others, would you do us a favor and take a moment with us and just do that beautiful pause and that beautiful breath that you could guide us through and our listeners, and maybe we can start there and then we can get into your five words.

Dr: Yeah, I think that sounds great. Um, and I, and I love starting speaking engagements or podcasts this way because just like we were just [00:02:00] talking about before we hopped on, like we're all coming from different places doing different things. And now I love that we're able to just be here together now, not thinking about or worrying about where we were before or where we need to be next.

And this grounding exercise really helps us do that. So, so I love that. Um, so together, uh, the three of us and everybody listening, as long as you're not driving, um, I want you to put both feet flat on the floor.

Krista: Mm.

Dr: And I love how everybody just automatically like sits up straight when you say that. Um, and if you want to, but you don't have to, you can put one hand on your chest and one hand on your upper abdomen, belly, diaphragm area.

And the reason we're doing that is just to, to a like, kind of be closer to your heart, like feel it, and to also really experience what is moving in your body when we're, when we do this breathing exercise. If you're really breathing more through your chest or your diaphragm. So in a moment, but not yet, [00:03:00] I want everybody to take a breath in through their nose as their belly is expanding, and then you're gonna exhale through your mouth as your belly goes back in.

I want you to imagine a balloon in your belly expanding with every inhale. Let's go ahead and do that together. Let's take a breath in and out.

Take a breath in and exhale.

I want you to continue to take a few breaths just like that. And as you're doing it, if you notice any thoughts popping into your head, I want you to just greet them and say, this is just a thought, and kind of put it aside. And then I want you to return back to your breath. Take another breath in and out.[00:04:00]

Let's take one more together. Take a breath in. And out.

If you closed your eyes, you can go ahead and open them if you need to. You can wiggle your shoulders, your toes, your body a little bit, and I always love to then ask how is that experience for you?

Krista: Hmm.

Dr: I know I'm putting you on the spot now.

Krista: I feel more grounded and more present.

Dr: Me too.

Krista: Mm-hmm. about you, Andrea?

Andrea: yeah. Thank you. Thank you so much. I find that what I feel when I do that, because it's less consistent now than it perhaps was in previous years. I'm reminded, I feel this sense of like, it's almost like drawing on an old feeling from childhood or another time where you just felt everything was [00:05:00] right in the world in yourself for just a moment even.

So for me, that practice acts as a profound reminder of what we can do for ourselves. And it doesn't take anything more than sitting with our feet on the ground and deep breathing and it's very moving. Thank you.

Dr: I, you're so welcome, and I, I love that you said that because a few things. First, you're absolutely right. Like all we need is us and the moment we don't need a lot of time, we need the moment to do it. And I, I love that word reminder. The way, the way you described it, that it was like a reminder to you because it really goes with a lot of what I talk about in the book and how society is constantly on the go that we miss the signals to slow down or we miss what's really going on in the moment.

And you're right. That moment gives us that reminder of [00:06:00] we can return here whenever we need to. And it literally is that reminder to just, let's pause. Right, because we don't pause enough. Um, so I I love that you said that and, and even doing it, it's funny, as many times as I do this and I instruct people to do it, and I guide people to it every time I do it, I feel so grounded.

Myself, it's, it's almost like I need it, which is why I think I started to do it actually years ago. I think I started to do it at the beginning of speaking engagements because I felt like if I need this, other people probably also need it. And it's so multipurpose in that way. I

Andrea: Mm-hmm.

Krista: It really is. I'm just thinking about my children too. I know you have kids as well, and it's a good reminder to give them permission to stop and know that they can just take a pause.

Dr: pause.

Andrea: Mm-hmm.

Dr: absolutely. I, I do this with my children all the

Krista: Mm-hmm. I bet

Dr: yeah, I talk both of them at a young age, diaphragmatic breathing, which is what we just did.

Andrea: Mm-hmm.

Dr: I often have to remind my son that we can come [00:07:00] back together. Like, I'll often like get at his eye level and hold his hands and be like, let's do this together.

when their emotions are kind of getting out of control, so to

Andrea: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Krista: Yep. And it's a good reminder for us too in, in our midlife in our later years, you know, when things are wild. We have, work, a home life. We have children maybe. We have careers, we have pets, we have, events to attend to, and it can get outta hand sometimes.

So thank you for that. Yeah. Beautiful reminder that we can, we can do that whenever we need, even if it's just sitting in our car before we open the door and head out to wherever we're going to have that moment and just breathe

Andrea: Mm-hmm.

Krista: and know that we're grounded and we can do these things,

Mm-hmm.

Dr: Yeah.

Andrea: I think the other thing, um, that that reminder or being reminded also shares [00:08:00] with me is, um, that we all have agency and I feel like that word is a word that has been coming up a lot. Not for just myself, but I hear that with others as well, that by the nature of whether it's this time, whether it's you know, age or where we are in our lives, or even if it's just society and where the world is, but I hear from so many people this almost. Without them saying it, this sense of powerlessness or that they are just being pulled along and they're not in a place where they're making decisions for themselves in many ways, but they're just caught in like a, a giant tsunami wave of momentum. And so. It feels as though when you take a pause like you've just led us through. It is [00:09:00] again, a reminder and an affirmation that we all, have agency for ourselves. Even if it's just in those little tiny micro moments, We get to decide to put our feet on the floor. We get to decide, as you said so beautifully, if you would like put your hand on your heart.

And that is such a lovely invitation. 'cause it's not a demand, it is an invitation. And so. I really feel, and I think distinctly, in that it's also not transactional because the other thing is, is that a lot of times when we are in places where we feel as though we're making a decision, we're looking for a return for our decision, or vice versa. Somebody is looking for a return on our, like, on our part. And so being able to be in spots and spaces and places where we get to just make a decision that is not a transactional decision [00:10:00] feels so empowering and not as frequent as maybe we would like.

So, sorry that was a bit of a ramble, but I just, I just really, it feels really important for us in these times.

Dr. Goldman: Yeah. Yeah. I, I love that you said that because something I always go back to and I like to remind people, is. But I would say probably is my number one tip when you're feeling stressed or overwhelmed, is to focus on what's in your control. And that pause and that breath allows us to kind of shift the focus and be okay, now that I pause, what's in my control?

What can I do? Right. And even that pause giving what you just said with like agency, you know, it really goes back to that. It's like, oh, right. I have a decision, I have a choice. I can pause, take this breather, and focus on what's in my control, or I can react, I can, you know, react outta the emotion. Just go, go, go.

Whatever it is. But we do have a [00:11:00] choice, and that's what people tend to forget, that in life there's a lot of choices. Sometimes too many can be quite overwhelming, but there are choices and we can decide just like we have a choice to react or respond. You know, the reaction is the impulsive act or the respond is, let me take a breath.

Let see what's best. Let me focus on what's my control and what action do I take then. So really all comes back to taking back that control, in life we often feel

Andrea: Mm-hmm.

Dr: like we lost control, but we didn't. We have to shift the way we think about it and take back that control.

Krista: Yeah, the mindset is so important.

Andrea: And it's so wonderful that you said earlier that it really resonated that you, you've taken what you've practiced and put it in your book, or the book brings to life what you do, and there's this beautiful connection between how you live and how you [00:12:00] practice and how you, decide. Um, that's now found in the book.

And. That feels also very, special because I don't know that that's what we're finding in a lot of content that we're digesting that, you know, it's great, it's content, but it's not necessarily grounded in the person behind it living it. And that really, really landed for me, and I could see it in your face as you described it, how meaningful it is that you've taken what you've shared in your book, and you practice it all the time and you're able to speak to it and share that with others. it's such a gift.

I'm really excited to, to have that book shared with everybody.

Dr: Yeah. I, I appreciate it. And, and it's funny because it's like, which came first, right? Like, I, I went to graduate school for this. I learned all about cognitive behavior therapy, which is really what this book [00:13:00] is and the type of work that I do. And I think I always was kind of using these tools almost without realizing it.

And then the more tools that I learned, I started integrating in my own life. And hearing myself say them day after day to clients. And then I realized, so CBT Cognitive Behavior Therapy is a very specific type of therapy that is more goal directed. It is more client centered, but more like a team approach between you and your therapist.

And, and it's interesting because a lot of types of therapy, you don't share a lot of your personal life, if any really, I'm not saying CBT, you disclose a lot, but. And, and I do supervise psychiatry residents at NYU, actually on CBT. And something I say to them is, you disclose when it feels clinically appropriate, so when it's going to help the client.

And something for me that has really resonated and has resonated with my clients is when I share, like I hear time after [00:14:00] time, my clients are like, this is why I work with you, because I see that there's pieces of your life. That either I'm striving for or I want to do things like that and I see you doing these things.

Right.

Andrea: Mm-hmm.

Dr: I think it's one thing to have the science backed evidence and sharing the research, which of course CBT and the work I do is science backed, but then to also be doing it and being like, oh my gosh, I remember yeah, like I went on a 10 minute run the other day because that's all I had, you know?

Now if I were to just say like, oh, just do it for 10 minutes. To a client, they may be like 10 minutes. I'm like, Hey, I did it. You know, like it's all I had. Sometimes that's what we have to do and I think that normalizes it and validates it for people in a way that's like, oh, like if she's doing it and she's a professional, you know, maybe it works.

Right? Um, so I feel like, you know, not that I might my own research experiment in any way, but I truly do [00:15:00] use the tools. In the book. And you know, I think in the conclusion section of the book, I actually, I talk about this because at one point in the book, I say, I'm having the thought right now that I'm never gonna get this book done.

And in the unhelpful kind of thought section of the book, I say that, I'm like, I'm actually having an unhelpful thought right now. I'm thinking I'm never gonna get this book done. And in the book, I go through the process of, okay, let's examine the evidence. Why is this unhelpful? How can I tweak that thought?

And then in the conclusion I say, do you remember when I said I never thought I was gonna get this done? Here we are, right? And I say, and I got here because I used all the tools in the book. I had to create the moments. I had to intentionally breathe. I had to remind myself that I can do this. You know, I needed to carve out time for my running and to take care of myself.

And, and really I, that's how I got through the book. And you ladies asked me how am I getting through this busy full-time season of my life? And it's literally the same thing. I'm [00:16:00] doing it, I'm living the tools, I'm using the tools in the book because I don't know any other way to do it. Like that's the way to do it in, in my eyes.

And, and it works for me. And I know it works for others because of my years of clinical experience as well.

Krista: how would you feel about offering up like one or two or maybe even three, um, pieces for women in their midlife who have just ended a job, ended a career, and they're switching gears and, you know, they're left feeling maybe sad, maybe angry, um, maybe frustrated, but also perhaps excited for the next phase.

The next, you know, the second half and where that will lead them. Are there one or two or three things you could offer up?

Dr: Yeah, so the first thing I would say is that it's okay to have conflicting feelings. [00:17:00] You know I think a lot of people are like, well, I should be this way. How am I also, this actually just before us hopping on this recording, somebody asked me, how are you feeling right now? And I actually said, I'm feeling all the feelings right?

Like I'm feeling excited and nervous and overwhelmed and all these things at the same time. But I think that acknowledgement first takes some pressure off, right? Like, it's okay if you're feeling all of those things. Um, so that acknowledgement and awareness first, and that then is gonna lead to some self-compassion, right?

Like, like taking the pressure off, oh, I'm allowed to feel this way. Okay. And then what I would like to say is ask yourself, what do I need right now? Right? I think we are all going through different phases of our life at different times. Every phase is temporary, important reminder. Um, but what do I need right now?

Because the person that you just described, the immediate thing that came to my mind was if that was me, and I actually heard myself in what you described in [00:18:00] different times in my life. I'm thinking back to a time years ago and a time right now. And what I would really need at the moment would be a pause, actually.

I feel like I would need to pause and examine what's working, what's not working, what do I need and what do I want? Like, what do I want right now? Not necessarily next. What do I want right now? What's the feeling I really wanna be feeling knowing that I have all these emotions, right? And I'm putting myself back to when I left my hospital job, actually, because all those things you described, I felt, I was like scared and frustrated and excited for what may be next, but also didn't know what was gonna be next.

And I remember actually, my husband said to me, he was like, just pause. He's like, you don't have to figure it all out yet. I'm like, what do you mean? I don't have to know it every, you know, like, like really? I, I was like, you know what? You're right. Like I need to just pause and give myself the space to figure it out.

Oftentimes we get stuck in our own thoughts, which is where we keep being [00:19:00] stuck. Right? That thought cycle keeps us stuck. And for what you just described, I would actually say that that person probably needs the space. What I mean by that is the mental space. To be able to know what do you really want right now?

Because the go, go, go the, you know, living the to the next thing, the next thing constantly doesn't allow you to take that step and really understand what do I want right now? What is important to me right now, and that's the perfect time to figure it out, is like when you don't really know what's next, and that's okay, but your body and your brain have been giving you a sign that like, this isn't working.

So let's take that pause and like reflect and understand things. Turn inward a little bit more.

Krista: What's coming to me is the trust that we need to have in ourselves too, isn't it? To really trust that we know what's good for us, whe whether it's in the moment or in the near future, or far ahead too, right? And sometimes that can [00:20:00] be too hard to think too far in the future. Yeah. But

to trust.

Dr: Yeah. I love that you said that because we don't trust ourselves enough, and I think the reason is because we don't give ourselves the space really know what we want. Like if we really turned inward, like I, I actually, I had a client session yesterday with somebody who she, she literally laid out exactly what she wanted, and I literally was like, did you hear it yourself?

You already know the answer. You know, like literally she presented this whole case to me and I was like, okay, now listen to what you just said. Right. Like having that session gave her the mental space to talk it through to realize she already knew, but she just wasn't at that point to trust herself. And I was like, you examined the evidence, you did the research, you did this, you did that you's all there.

And now you just have to trust that your gut and you are telling you what you need right now. But [00:21:00] that's the next key is right now. You might need something different tomorrow. You might need something different years ago, but where you are in the phase of your life today, what is it that you really need and what is it that you really want?

If you turn inward and pause, you're gonna get the answer.

Krista: Mm-hmm. Oh, that's so beautiful.

Andrea: You have said so many beautiful words and shared, so much already that feels so valuable. I wonder if there are words really deeply resonate with you or maybe you've carried for a long time or they come back and when they sit with you, you feel a deep connection to them.

If there are a few words that are Rachel's words and if you would share those.

Dr: Yeah, so, so to clarify though, you want like five single words or like [00:22:00] sentences or,

Andrea: you make the rules.

Krista: Yeah, they can be more than five words or or less, but words that really register with you and really represent who you are, not necessarily words that someone else would say about you.

Dr: Okay. Yeah, those would be completely different. Those would be completely different.

Krista: Right.

Dr: Um, you know, it's funny because in the book I, I mentioned Dr. Rachelisums, and my clients call them that because there's certain things that I kind of say on repeat. Um, and one of them I've already said. So it's, it's not gonna be surprising, but focus on what's in your control.

It is a constant reminder that I need, that I come back to that I really think we all need.

And then I would say the other words, um, that come to mind one more recently has been either aligned or grounded. I feel like as I have entered, into this phase of my life, you know, I have two young [00:23:00] children, with the book on its way and really doing the work that I love in so many ways.

I feel like I am really aligned in terms of my mission, my passion, and really living, you know, kind of in the way that I, I want to be to a degree. I mean, we all have our moments, of course. Um, and then funny enough, when you first gonna ask me this, two other words that popped up, we're just mom and runner.

Like, like I,

like I just feel like there are two things that just really describe me. in addition to my professional titles, I always like to add, you know, I'm a mom, I'm a sister, I'm a daughter, I'm a friend, but really the mom, I, I'm in that phase, like, you know, a 2-year-old and a 7-year-old.

Um, yeah. And, and my running, I I actually just completed a half marathon a few weeks ago. Um,

Andrea: did you,

Dr: my, my

Andrea: is that your first?

Dr: No, it's actually funny. My [00:24:00] second since having two children. My first not breastfeeding, so like,

Andrea: Oh, wow.

Dr: last one, like two-ish years ago, I was still breastfeeding and I was like, I need to do at least one more like where I am in my phase of life without having that extra stressor, so to say.

Um, but I did set,

Krista: How was that for you?

Dr: It was, you know, what? It's a story. Um, now, now, no, no, no. Well, I mean, the short version is I was supposed to do this race a year ago with a friend who ended up not being able to come, and then I think I overtrained a little bit and felt like I was gonna get injured if I actually did the race.

So between her backing out and me not feeling my best, I listened to my body and I also backed out knowing I could do it again this year, but knowing it was gonna be two weeks before my book launch. And didn't know if that was a smart idea. Looking back, it was the smartest thing I did. [00:25:00] Um, because again, using my tools, I think the first thing that could have gone was my running.

I would've gone for 10 minutes, I would've done this, but that space that I gave myself, that permission to go on those longer runs, um, and I go with a friend. So to like connect and be social with a friend in the midst of. I'm gonna just call it chaos between home life with two little kids and writing a book and book launch and all this.

I think that's what I needed. Um, and it actually hit me during the run that like, oh my God, I wrote a book. Like, I literally was like, yeah. Like, it was like a moment that I was like, wow, like I am, I'm running this half marathon. My book is coming out soon. somehow I did it. and I'm doing it.

So, so, yeah, I, I didn't feel like I needed to run that race, um, for many reasons, and I almost didn't, and I'm glad that I did for many reasons. Um, but again, it [00:26:00] was, it was really making sure that I created that space for myself and, and I actually do my best thinking on runs or in the shower. Um, so I think I got a lot of fun ideas around the book and different things also when I was running.

Andrea: Isn't it interesting? Do you find that? the moment that you take at the beginning of sessions with folks that you're working with and running, tend to bring up similar experiences or, or reminders or feelings or notices, like, do you find a connection between those?

Dr: Yeah, so I actually use running analogies a lot in therapy. Um, and throughout the book I have a few of them as well. Um, I think running is such a great analogy for life. and even running a marathon, to be honest, because, you know, I often say you have to train for it, and you don't just wake up and run a marathon.

You [00:27:00] have to start with baby steps. and most like, you know, the training for a marathon takes months. And like, if you wait to celebrate, just like the book, if you wait to celebrate on book day or on the day you cross the finish line. I actually think you're never gonna get there. Or if you do, it's gonna be really, really challenging and difficult and draining and you might regret it because you're not taking the time to acknowledge and celebrate kind of each mile or each win along the way.

Andrea: Hmm.

Dr: so I actually use a lot of running analogies and it's funny, the working title of this book, when I got this book proposal, was actually Training For Life, which

Andrea: Oh, interesting.

Dr: Um, and, and we decided for multiple reasons that that wasn't the right book title, but Training for Life and Life Happens were two titles I had in my phone probably 20 years ago. I was like, if I ever write a book.

Krista: Wow!

Dr: Yeah. Um, and, and it's funny because what I used to say that the story behind it was I was running in a lot of races, [00:28:00] probably about, oh, actually it was 20 years ago. Um, and one day I wasn't signed up for a race and all my friends were like, what are you training for?

What are you training for? And I said, I'm training for life. And they said, what do you mean by that? And I said, I'm training for life for when life happens. So

Andrea: Wow, both titles in one moment.

Dr: Exactly. And I, I realized, I know, right? Um, and I, and I remember being like, I wanna be in the best physical emotional shape that I can, focusing on what's in my control.

For whatever is thrown my way. And actually looking back, there are phases of my life that I'm like, wow, I'm so glad I did that. I mean, one of them was when I became pregnant with my first, I remember saying to my doctor, what do I need to change? Like I'm pregnant. What do I need to change? What should I do differently?

And she literally was like, Rachel, I know you. I know everything you're doing. You don't need to change anything. She's like, you're already active. You're already doing this, you're already doing that. You're already doing that. And I didn't. And that's again, the premise of this [00:29:00] book is that I don't want anybody to have to overhaul their life for when life happens.

I want you to be prepared. Now does that mean you have to be doing all of those things all the time? No, but like when you're pregnant, if you're already running, they tell you keep running. You know, I literally ran up until the day I gave birth to both children. Literally.

Krista: What?! That is so cool.

Dr: Which isn't for everybody.

I know that it's not for everybody. But again, like whatever I was doing, I was just like hitting the repeat button. So for me it wasn't overwhelming because I was already doing it.

Andrea: Mm-hmm.

Dr: Right. And again, that's the idea of this book. Like I don't want life, like life's gonna throw curve balls. We know that. And we're gonna have to shift and we're gonna have to pivot, and some things really suck.

Those curve balls can be really sucky.

Andrea: Mm-hmm.

Dr: And I don't want anyone to be like, oh my God, I have to change my whole life to make this happen. Uh, you know, it should be in a way that's like, all right, I'm just gonna hit the reset button. Maybe I need to be a little more intentional about these things. You know, like right now [00:30:00] in this phase for me, I'm already doing it, but I have to be more intentional. You know? There's a difference

Krista: Mm-hmm.

Dr: between that and being like, oh my God, I have so much to do.

Andrea: Mm-hmm.

Krista: You know, I think about how we, sorry. I think about

Andrea: no, no, no. You go.

Krista: when we first met and heard about you was that Reese Witherspoon's Shine Away in LA last fall. And I remember looking around not only in the space that we were sitting in watching you and Dr. Lucky who we've also had on our podcast, which is such a joy.

Looking at the people that were sitting around us and then leaving that space and looking at all the women that were around. And there were some men too, which was just so awesome. the word that kind of surfaces for me is community. And I'm wondering how that plays into your life, especially right now.

So I'm curious, what does community mean to you and like how does that show up in your life right now and in the [00:31:00] recent past?

Dr: so I, I think so much of life comes back to community, to be honest. Um, I think we all can think back to times in our life that we felt kind of alone or isolated or even. Felt alone and then isolated ourselves. And again, common as we go through different phases of our life as well. But I think it all goes back to that connection and that community and feeling supported and, and oftentimes we have to create that though, and I think that's what people forget.

We don't live in the years that like maybe our grandparents lived right. We're like their tribe, their village, you know, like their community was built in. I hear stories from my mom of like, her cousins lived downstairs from like, you know, in New York City and like the apartment complex. Um, or, or you know, the brownstone or, or whatever it was.

Um. But we don't have that these days for most people. Some people do, but that's not the norm. And it doesn't mean that we can't have community because of that. It's about [00:32:00] creating and building what we need. Um, and community for me is, is honestly why I wrote this book. it's because of my online community, and all of the people that have reached out to me that have been on my wait list or, or things like that, um, you know, have really inspired me.

You know, when you hear wow, that post really resonated, or, wow, I heard you speak on whatever. those messages start sinking in and you're like, wow. Like this is what people need. This is what people want. And I remember years ago when I started on Instagram, I used to do what we did earlier.

I used to encourage people to take these mindful moments and I would put it in my stories, like first thing in the morning. And I remember those messages that I would get. And I never thought, you know, I think I have this in the conclusion section too, of the book. I never thought that my messages would resonate so much and would lead me to where I am today, but it's because of that community that I'm like, wow, I do have messages that I can share.[00:33:00]

Um, and, and I want to, but again, it all goes back to community. And if I didn't have my support system, this also wouldn't be possible. And that's why if you, if you read the acknowledgement section, it's a few pages because I'm literally acknowledging so many people, um, that, that have really helped me create the space that I needed to do what I'm doing and to write that book.

Krista: Oh, that's so powerful.

Andrea: It is interesting too, how you shared that running is such a a through line in your life,

Krista: Mm-hmm.

Andrea: and then you talked about how you run with a friend and you said it, and that is how much of a metaphor training, running. being with others, doing your best thinking or your most grounded thinking or having the most kind of, um, clear space in your [00:34:00] mind, while running and how that parallel to, community in the sense of, you know, belonging to something or something belonging to you that you're part of, that you find that kind of flow state. I am not a runner, but I think about what I hear from runners often is. That they do get into a state of mind that takes over and becomes a little bit euphoric.

I wonder, do you find that happens to you and do you find that in other places, like when you're surrounded by your people, your friends, your family, do you find that there's a similarity?

Dr: Yeah, definitely. and I'm glad you had mentioned this too, because I often say you need to find the tools that work for you, right? For me, it could be running, it could be community. Support calling a friend, et cetera. But we all need the tools that work for us. And

Andrea: Mm-hmm.

Dr: my goal would be that [00:35:00] everybody would find, and again, it's in the book as well about creating and building your own coping toolbox, but that everybody finds those things, that brings them that sense of joy or that grounded feeling.

and when I go running and also I'm an outside runner. I run on the treadmill, but rare. Um, other than like in a gym class, but if I had an option, I would be running out. Oh, I do, I do run outside, year round. I have to clarify like literally year round. Um, but there's a different feeling for me, but I can get that feeling from just taking a walk outside Also.

And I think that's important to acknowledge that it's, it's the combination of moving our bodies and being in fresh air. I live in New York City, so I'm saying fresh in that

Krista: Yeah.

Dr: but uh,

Krista: Fair. Fair.

Dr: But being outside, right and moving our bodies can really do wonders for our emotional health and wellbeing. Um, but I think at different times we need different things and that's what brings us back to what we said even earlier about as you're going through [00:36:00] different phases of your life to acknowledge and be okay that maybe what was working before isn't working now.

Right? So there's some days that I need to get out and take a walk. There's other days that I need to call my mom and vent. I probably do most both of those on most days. But, um, but, but you know, you need different things at different moments and that's why it's important to have that toolbox to be able to pull from different tools.

Because they mean different things and they serve different purposes at different times.

Andrea: Yeah. I love the term coping toolbox.

Krista: Mm-hmm.

Andrea: it draws such a, a wonderful image of, you know, again, going back to what we talked about in the beginning, giving people the sense that they're in control. Because you get to fill up your toolbox with your unique tools, and it just feels so empowering again, to know that you can do that.

Dr: Yeah,

Andrea: and that you have the full capacity and that you don't need a lot to be able to do that.

It's [00:37:00] not because you don't need access to anything more than what you have, which is figuring out those things that work for you.

Krista: Mm-hmm.

Dr: Yeah. it's so important that we all figure that out and and I always say now that we gave that breathing exercise, the best thing is you already have one tool in that toolbox now, right? Like, if that breathing exercise worked for you or another.

One, I call them internal coping tools that you don't need anybody else for or anything else for. It could be that breathing exercise. It could be a different breathing exercise. It could be a relaxation technique, but I always recommend to put at least one of those in your toolbox.

Krista: Mm. Mm-hmm.

Andrea: I wanted to acknowledge that you mentioned that there were two really big moments in your life that you, I mean, two that you mentioned, but leaving a role that you had been in.

And it sounds as though, and I'm making an assumption, but it sounds as though you were working within a hospital and in a role that was a full-time role within a hospital. And you left that and that was a big shift. And Krista noted that [00:38:00] that's a big thing that we're hearing in women, um, that there are these massive kind of shifts that happen.

So I want to acknowledge that you talked about that being a big pivot moment. Uh, and then you talked about the book and how that was another, you know, that, you know, the description of. Am I ever gonna finish this book? And

Krista: Yeah.

Andrea: book ever going to like finally be done? And living through that and drawing on these tools that you were not only, it's very meta, you were drawing on the tools

Dr: As I'm writing about them.

Andrea: That you were writing a book.

Krista: Yeah.

Dr: right. No, it's, it's so true. I mean, and, and I don't think I realized it in the moment until I wrote the conclusion and was like, wow, I did it. And, and then I was like, wait, I said I was never gonna do it. And here I did do it. And how did I do it? Oh my gosh. I used the same tools I just wrote about, like, it was this like full

Andrea: It's so good.

Dr: Yeah, it was.

Andrea: [00:39:00] It's so good.

Dr: And after I wrote it, I remember being like, should I leave this in there? I'm like, yes. Like I'm leaving this. And like, even, like, I almost wanna read that section real quick. Um, I know

Krista: yeah. Read it.

Dr: but

Andrea: my gosh, this is perfect.

Dr: Where, uh, let me see. Where's the conclusion? Uh oh here. Like literally the conclusion is called conclusion. We did it.

Krista: Yes.

Dr: and it starts with, remember in chapter four when I said, I'm never going to get this done? Well, I did, and we did. I just took a moment to celebrate, and I hope you have been doing the same as well, because remember, it's those small wins that help us keep moving forward by reminding us that not only can we do it, but we are doing it.

And that's the first paragraph for my conclusion section. Yeah.

Krista: Woo. That feels really good to hear. And I think the key is like you have such a beautiful way of relating to people, knowing people, seeing them for who they are, your ability to [00:40:00] communicate, all of those things feel so grounded and so real, and so authentic. So I just, yeah, I just really appreciate what you're doing.

Not like, for real. I mean, it's just such an incredible thing, you know, you're, you're just, you're such a giving person and so kind and so smart, and we're so grateful for your time.

Dr: I appreciate it so much and, and it really is just such an honor, really. I, I'm so grateful. I'm also, very fortunate to be able to do the things that I've done, like to leave the job, like to write a book, like to have children. I, I, I acknowledge that. And I'm just so grateful that, you know, I often say if, if I can change or touch one person's life, you know, and like the messages that I get on Instagram are really my daily reminders of my why.

Um, and, and it, it's very, I, I don't even have the right words to be honest in terms of how I'm feeling about this book being out there and people reading it and it resonating with people, but it's [00:41:00] my why. It's, it's like, yes, this is why I do what I do. And I'm just so grateful to have people like you in my life.

That have connected and wanted me, you know, on your podcast and, and everything. So thank you.

Krista: Thank you. please share with us where they can buy your book and where they can find you to hear more tips and stay in touch.

Dr: Yes, thank you. So you can buy my book pretty much anywhere you like to buy books at this point. but you can also go to WhenLifeHappensbook.com to get those direct links. And then I'm on most social media platforms is @drrachelNYC

Krista: Perfect. Thank you.

so, so much for your time.

Dr: so

Andrea: Thank you.

Krista: Thank you for listening. Friends, we invite you to stay connected with us on Instagram, dig deeper on our website @halfbetty.com, and subscribe to our YouTube channel for more inspiring conversations. You can also find Andrea and I on LinkedIn and honestly, honestly, any way you choose, please reach out. We always love hearing from you.

[00:42:00] Huge thanks to Dr. Goldman for providing us all with our first tool in our coping toolbox. Remember to pause. And breathe.

You got this. Until next time.